Happy National Waiters and Waitresses Day!
Pug Fiction
Category: Dangerous Dudes
Dogs Playing Poker
No matter how you feel about Hack’s work, you’ve got to admit that this is pretty cute.
Silent But Deadly
Hack had been wanting to kill off the Jonny character like Conan Doyle did with Sherlock Holmes so he wrote this “locked room mystery” where Boris is force-fed beans until Jonny is asphyxiated by the pug’s flatulence. Unfortunately for Hack, his plot leaked while he was writing the thing and his fans were so outraged that (like Conan Doyle) he had to bring back his creation and Jonny was reanimated in the final chapter by hooking his scrotum up to a car battery and shocking his balls until he was alive again.
The Fall of Humpty Dumpty
Happy National Egg Month!
Just One Glance
Gross, we know. But Hack thought it was important for the women of the world to know that every one of them was in the disgusting sexual fantasies of some random dude, even if she wasn’t even aware that he existed, because had gotten a quick look at her long ago in the past and filed her image away in his foul brain.
100 Men vs. a Pug
In case you haven’t heard, a big subject on social media right now is whether 100 men could take a gorilla in a fight. So Hack wrote this in response.
Always Check the Back
When his cover artist Jonny M. had a wonderful reunion with an old friend, Hack was consumed with jealousy because whenever he encountered someone from his past, they tried to kill him. So he wrote this novel out of revenge. It’s terrible.
Brain Transplant in the Wax Museum
Hack had long wanted to write a mystery set in a wax museum and when he finally got around to crapping out this one, he was so happy with the result that he celebrated by dripping hot candle wax on his junk for two hours. The book became one of his all-time best sellers and his royalties paid for the skin grafts he would need to repair the damage.
Escape from CECOT
Torn from today’s headlines!
The Gross Dictator
Happy heavenly birthday to the immortal Charlie Chaplin!