Boris’ Brigade
Category: Holidays
Revolutionary War Stud
The Dude with the Giant Wang Comes to Easter Dinner
Hack had no intention of writing another of these “Dude with the Giant Wang” books until his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe told him “I think I speak for everyone when I say any novel cover where you are fully clothed is a winner!” So Hack felt that he had no choice.
The Leprechaun Who Loved Anal
When most bars closed down during the coronavirus pandemic, Hack wrote this to remind everyone that there were still PLENTY of good ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.
International Women’s Day
Hack thought that if he wrote a book about International Women’s Day that he would get laid left and right. It’s about a guy who writes a book about International Women’s Day and gets laid left and right for it.
Life did not imitate art.
I Voted
Hack always flaunts his “I Voted” sticker on Election Day because he’s convinced that it will make him irresistible to free-thinking communist hippie chicks and politically conservative repressed housewives. The truth is that he only shows up at the polling place and swipes a sticker when no one’s looking because he thinks if he actually votes, the government will use his information to kidnap him and transplant his brain with an alien that crash landed at Area 51.
Love Trumps Hate
One of the countless celebrities Hack is obsessed with is Twitter influencer Lisa Glass. He wrote this to try and impress her but its publication led instead to her filing a restraining order, as usual.
Be My Valentine
Hack’s cover artist Jonny M.’s success with women has caused Hack to despise him, but it has inspired some of Hack’s best work. Hack wrote this after Jonny told him of the dozens of women who expected him to be with them sexually on Valentine’s Day.
New Year’s Day
Hack awoke on the first morning of 1976 to find the woman he had met at a New Year’s Eve Part the night before and spent the night with wasn’t in his room. When she had woken and realized who she had slept with, she got on the ledge and intended to jump. Hack spent the next three hours trying to convince her that life was still worth living but she wouldn’t come in until he got his fourth wife on the phone to tell her that sleeping with Hack wasn’t the rock-bottom it seemed like. She finally came off the ledge but she became a cloistered nun immediately afterwards. Hack wrote about it in this novel, although most of it is about the drunken anal sex they had after the party.
The Naughty List
Despite being one of the most cynical people on earth and an avowed atheist, Hack is inexplicably a devoted believer in Santa Claus. The fact that he has never received a Christmas present in his life has only made him bitterly resentful of Saint Nick and he has vowed to kill him if he can ever get his hands on him. This book chronicles his many unsuccessful attempts to do in the jolly old elf, including the unsolved murder of a department store Santa which authorities spent decades trying to prosecute Hack for but ultimately had to drop the case for insufficient evidence.