The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack thought that if he wrote a book about International Women’s Day that he would get laid left and right. It’s about a guy who writes a book about International Women’s Day and gets laid left and right for it.
Life did not imitate art.
The inspiration of this novel is the six months Hack spent at a Romanian Catholic boarding school when he was 12. The title character is based on an actual nun at the school named Sister Brândusa, who took her students over her knee and brutalized them at the slightest provocation. The real-life Sister Brândusa weighed over 250 lbs. and had a hairy mole covering half her face, so Hack based the fictional version on his super-hot friend Rosanna De Candia. The story is vastly more effective for it.
When Hack’s friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy was traveling internationally, he dropped acid and hallucinated that the crew of the airplane she was on took over the jet and she had to overpower them with her whip. To this day, Hack thinks that this actually happened.
Hack’s cover artist Jonny M.’s success with women has caused Hack to despise him, but it has inspired some of Hack’s best work. Hack wrote this after Jonny told him of the dozens of women who expected him to be with them sexually on Valentine’s Day.
Hack wrote this novel after his cover artist Jonny M. described his plans for the weekend, which were a literal playing out of the circumstances of the title. Hack changed the participants in the orgy to female TV newscasters he had crushes on and jumped out a third floor window immediately after finishing the manuscript. He ended up with only minor injuries while Jonny had to deal with a case of chlamydia.
This book was completed when Hack attended a Super Bowl party at his hayseed friend Eddie Frierson’s house and Frierson pitched this ridiculous title. Hack’s eyes caught fire at the suggestion and he rewrote the manuscript overnight to match it.
Hack tried to exploit the success of the Jonny M. series by putting its branding on hodgepodge of some of his kinkiest sexual fantasies that he wrote to clear up a gambling debt. It sold well but the gangsters broke his kneecaps anyway.
Hack wrote this book after someone on the social network called him a psychopath because of the content of his books.
Hack’s jealousy over his cover artist Jonny M.’s success with women ultimately consumed him so deeply that he made several unsuccessful murder attempts on Jonny. They were such failures that not only did Hack usually injure himself trying to pull them off but Jonny was inevitably unaware that they had even been attempted. Hack ultimately concluded that Jonny was immortal even though the reality was that Hack was just a colossal fuck-up. Anyway, he wrote this book as an act of contrition.
Hack wrote this book after he received a parking ticket and was convinced that it was a government conspiracy. The book sold well although, as always, his publisher John Kane got all the profits so Hack didn’t even make enough off it to pay for the ticket.