Category: Movies and Television

The Carnal Candidate

Hack was contracted to write a teen-focused novelization of the hit TV series The Partridge Family to make a few quick exploitation bucks for the network. Only about a thousand were shipped out before someone noticed that he actually came up with a hardcore piece of smut about the singing clan’s oldest daughter Laurie’s sordid affair with a late middle-aged crooked politician. Considered a collector’s item today, it’s a surprisingly good book except for the forty pages or so where Hack inexplicably moves the story to a swamp in Louisiana so that the illicit lovers can have an anal sex marathon in the politician’s secret BDSM cabin.

Lust on the Titanic

Hack’s obsession with the film “Titanic” and its star Frances Fisher is common knowledge and he wrote the story from the point of view of her character Ruth Dewitt Bukater to clear up what he felt were some inconsistencies in the story. For instance, when Ruth hooks up with a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction while her daughter Rose is off doing who-knows-what with Jack, he tries to introduce her to the wonders of anal sex. She is so furious that she rips the door off her cabin closet and clobbers him over the head with it, breaking it in half with the blow. When the same door floats to the water’s surface after the ship sinks giving Rose something to ride on to safety, Ruth’s attack has rendered it too small to also carry Jack so he sinks to a watery grave.

Forgiven

Hack wrote this sequel to Clint Eastwood’s classic Western “Unforgiven” to tell the story of what happened to the town madam Strawberry Alice (played by Hack’s obsessive celebrity crush Frances Fisher). It begins just as the movie is ending, when Alice runs out of Greely’s Berr Garden and Billiard Parlour just before the climactic shootout with William Munny and Little Bill Daggett and into the waiting arms of her secret lover, a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction. The rest is a tale of their perfect love as the male character (who Hack neglected to give a name) writes fabulously successful novels while Alice practices all the erotic skills on him that she learned from her years working at the billiard parlour. Nothing much happens until the end, when Munny inexplicably shows up and the male character tells him to move his ass to San Francisco, where he’ll prosper in dry goods.