Category: Political

Jonny was just cracking open the morning paper when Boris staggered out of the crime lab like a sailor off a week-long bender. The pug’s eyes were bloodshot from pulling an all-nighter with nothing but fluorescent lights and government-issue coffee to keep him company. The Feds had dumped a stack of anonymous death-threat letters on him—nasty business aimed at the newly announced Nobel Prize winners. Boris had worked the envelopes like a maestro, but the only thing he could pull from the saliva was the ghost of fast food: Big Macs and Filet-O-Fish fingerprints in biochemical form. He muttered something about cholesterol profiles and brand loyalty before face-planting onto the nearest chair.

Meanwhile, Jonny scanned the front page, brow furrowing at names he didn’t recognize—Barack Obama, Robert Fauci, and one Albert Einstine… Einsteen… some German egghead whose name looked like a winning Scrabble hand. But then his eyes snagged on a name he DID know, one that hit him like a thrown blackjack: Bro Joe, fresh winner of the Literature Prize for that book he’d written about the crackpots haunting the local Starbucks. Jonny shut the paper with a snap, marched to the old rolltop desk, and fished out a pair of dusty passports. He tossed one to Boris, who caught it like a man grabbing the last donut at a stakeout. “Pack your trench coat,” Jonny said. “We’re flying to Sweden. Those Nobel nerds don’t know it yet, but along with a certificate and a novelty-sized penny, they just won the two best bodyguards in the business.”