The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack had an intense crush on MSNBC news commentator Rachel Maddow and wrote the novel about her. In real life, Ms. Maddow is a happily married lesbian but Hack depicted her in the book as a heterosexual nymphomaniac who made a sex slave of a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction and was obsessed with anal sex. But for those details, it was pretty true to life.
Hack has never made any secret of his being turned on by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, especially when he watches her take down Donald Trump with such ease. When he wrote this book that depicted her as a stern dominatrix, he was paid a visit by the Secret Service in which (in Hack’s words) a female agent “gave me the full Nancy Pelosi treatment. It was totally worth the two weeks that I spent in ICU.”
Hack was contracted to write a teen-focused novelization of the hit TV series The Partridge Family to make a few quick exploitation bucks for the network. Only about a thousand were shipped out before someone noticed that he actually came up with a hardcore piece of smut about the singing clan’s oldest daughter Laurie’s sordid affair with a late middle-aged crooked politician. Considered a collector’s item today, it’s a surprisingly good book except for the forty pages or so where Hack inexplicably moves the story to a swamp in Louisiana so that the illicit lovers can have an anal sex marathon in the politician’s secret BDSM cabin.
When his celebrity crush Frances Fisher organized a movement to keep endangered wetlands developed, Hack tried to suck up to her by writing this novel in support of her work. As usual, the many graphic sex scenes horrified most civilized readers although sales skyrocketed when Oprah Winfrey raved about the book on her TV show.
When the Los Angeles Teachers Association went on strike, Hack showed his support for their cause with this story of an innocent young boy at an oppressive boarding school who is brought to sexual maturity by his smokin’ hot homeroom teacher. No one had any idea what it had to do with the teachers’ strike but the book was named as the number one most confiscated item by the educators when they came back to work.
Yet another attempt to suck up to his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass. It was inspired by the one time that they met face-to-face when Hack happened to meet her on the sidewalk one day. As soon as she realized who he was, she ran like hell in the opposite direction.
A gorgeous Latina spy enlists the aide of a MAGA moron to help her destroy Trump’s stupid border wall. Before they get a chance to enact their plan, the stupid wall falls down after a strong wind.
One of Hack’s biggest successes. An illiterate Trump troll captivates a big city libtard through his skill at anal sex. The libtard finally casts the stud aside when she realizes that even the best anal sex of her life isn’t worth the damage Trump is creating in the country. This is the only Hack Werker novel to ever suggest that anything is more important than anal sex.
Hack normally detests everything about Donald Trump but when Trump said that it was “a dangerous time for men,” he was in rare agreement with 45 and wrote this novel in support of it. As with most times Hack times Hack takes a stand on anything, his logic was so convoluted that he would up making the opposite point and won the Bonnie Ritter Outstanding Feminist Book Award.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s beloved pug Boris died (although many conspiracy theorists maintain that he staged his death and is now living in the Cayman Islands), Hack was originally overjoyed because he hated Winston and Winston hated him. But when he realized that Winston had a giant following of disciples who lived by his loving and gentle philosophy, Hack quickly cranked out this book in tribute to the pug in the hopes of making himself look good. In every interview since, wherever Winston’s name come up Hack sheds some crocodile tears by plucking a hair out of his nose and says that the pug who he called a menace to society when he was alive as “the best friend I ever had.”