Category: Pug Lovers

Puppy Daddy

Hack wrote his in honor of our beloved friend Jesse Merlin opening in Jerry Springer: The Opera at the San Jose Playhouse next week. We tried to explain to him that paternity tests were Maury Povich’s shtick rather than Springer’s, to which Hack testily replied “When Merlin appears in an opera based on Povich, I’ll write another book that sets the record straight.”

The Pug of Casablanca

This supposedly “true” story of the Humphrey Bogart-Ingrid Bergman classic Casablanca was inspired by the time Hack desperately tried to hit on a drunken divorcée with three bratty kids when he was on a break from his job as the night janitor at the Van Nuys Shakey’s and thought it was a done deal until his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris sat down next to them and she was so charmed by Boris that she forgot Hack existed. The pug talked her into giving up drinking that night and being a better mother to her kids while Hack made another of his countless failed suicide attempts by sticking his head in the pizza oven but only singeing his left ear to a crisp.