Category: Sports and Games

Nude Hula-Hooping

Hack saw a story on his local news about this teenage “trend” and he was shocked at repercussions to society, so he spent the next month hanging out in parks and playgrounds hula-hooping in the buff to research this book. It was only after its publication (and he had been put on the national register of sex offenders) that he realized that nobody was doing nude hula-hooping and that the station televised articles on similar made up “teenage trends” about once a week to scare paranoid parents into watching.

Innocence Caged

This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles. The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from the Van Nuys Boarding School for Hot Virgin Girls, ages 18 to 22 and play cards to see which of the town’s sexual deviants will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is on the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to a local perv’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the perv is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.

Blood on the Ice

Hack’s friend Glenn T. Simon used to regale Hack with stories about his daring days as a semi-professional hockey player which Hack immortalized in this novel. After it was published, it came out that Simon was really nothing more than a waterboy who had to retire when players on his own team gave him a “wedgie” that pulverized both his testicles.