Category: Sports and Games

Whodunnit?

Hack wrote this novel as a companion piece to a mystery board game that he hoped would pay off his massive personal debts but it just resulted in a massive plagiarism lawsuit from Hasbro over their game Clue that put him so deeper in debt that he not only had to declare bankruptcy for the sixth time but spend his free hours as an anti-fluffer in porn films for stars whose Viagra-induced erections wouldn’t go down after four hours requiring Hack to spit on them and curse about how easy the younger generation had it until the stiffies withered.

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Korea Mullich and the Pillagers of Ted Williams’ Frozen Head

Happy heavenly birthday to Ted Williams!

Williams is most famous for two things. 1> He is arguably the greatest hitter in baseball history and 2> he had his head cryogenically frozen after his death so that it could be reanimated when the technology was available (no kidding, he really did). Hack is a huge baseball fan and also plans to have his remains frozen when he finally goes, so he wrote this novel in tribute to his hero.

Rock, Paper Scissors

Happy National Rock, Paper Scissors Day!

In this taught sports drama, Jonny’s opponents figure out his strategy in the first round, so they always play Scissors until they pound Jonny into a bloody mess. But in the final championship bout, the arrogant leader is so accustomed to forming a fist after every time he beats Jonny that he accidentally makes it too early and the referee decrees it as a Rock. Jonny is unable to enjoy his victory because he lapses into a coma just before he can get in his winning punch.