The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack had intended this to be the story of how he had heroically fought down some young thugs in his neighborhood but when everyone read the proofs, they congratulated him on writing a hilarious book about a mean-spirited old bastard who was constantly harassing innocent teens. He quietly changed the title from “The Hero of the Neighborhood” to “The Grumpy Old Bastard” and pretended that was what he had meant all along.
When Hack went out grocery shopping for the staples of his diet during the coronavirus scare (Jack Daniels and Hershey bars), he found himself surrounded by so many people wearing surgical masks that he had a panic attack and collapsed. He woke up in Tijuana the next day with this manuscript in his pocket.
This is the only Hack Werker novel where Hack appears on the cover. He was depressed about the social distancing required by the coronavirus pandemic so he asked his cover artist Jonny M. to depict him for the first and last time. It relives an actual incident where he was talking to his friend, world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy, at a party when he began diddling himself. Hack swears he doesn’t remember what happened after that but he woke up in an alley with his backside so bruised that it looked like two rotten avocados and Snow Mercy had to have hand surgery shortly afterwards.
This story was originally titled “Anal Justice” about a stern dominatrix who taught her slaves obedience with a strap-on dildo. Hack rewrote it as a political allegory with the dominatrix recast as a progressive Democrat politician and it became a huge seller in college towns.
When Hack’s cable went out while he was engaging in “social distancing” during the coronavirus epidemic, he freaked out and wrote this thing.
When most bars closed down during the coronavirus pandemic, Hack wrote this to remind everyone that there were still PLENTY of good ways to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.
Hack wrote this after he went on Amazon.com during the coronavirus panic and saw that they had paper towels “in stock,” so he tried to order some only to get an error that no delivery time was available. To be brutally honest, he lives in a van like an animal and has no need for paper towels but he was still pretty upset.
Hack wrote this after watching the cult classic “Roller Boogie” with Linda Blair.
Sadly, he watched it in 2010 so sales weren’t exactly through the roof.
Hack’s friend Eddie Frierson (see Mayonnaise is Nonsense) is an actor famous for a one-man show he performs about 16th century baseball player Christy Mathewson. When Frierson snubbed his nose at the coronavirus scare and performed the play in Los Angeles, Hack wrote this novel in tribute.
Hack wrote this after being especially irritated by his cover artist Jonny M. and telling his friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy about it. When she told Hack how she would have handled Jonny’s obnoxious arrogance, he based this novel on it.