The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this after being especially irritated by his cover artist Jonny M. and telling his friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy about it. When she told Hack how she would have handled Jonny’s obnoxious arrogance, he based this novel on it.
This novel was based on Hack’s experiences growing up in the brutally harsh Romanian Catholic Church that his strict father Vlad dragged him to every Sunday. Now an avowed atheist, Hack sometimes reenacts episodes from his youth following a typical church service where he is Vlad and a prostitute with an open mind and a high pain tolerance portrays him.
When international superstar Tom Hanks was diagnosed with the coronavirus, Hack sat down and wrote this novel about a promiscuous nurse in the coronavirus ward of a city hospital. While the book was little more than a series of Hack’s typically sick sex fantasies, many reviewers lauded him for understanding far more about the pandemic than the president of the United States.
Hack wrote this book after lunching with his cover artist Jonny M. and Jonny insisting that everyone in the restaurant (male and female) found him sexually irresistible after taking a single glance at him. Hack was furious when it turned out to be true.
Hack sometimes vacations with his cover artist Jonny M. and considers him to be the world’s worst traveling companion. When Hack learned that his friend world famous dominatrix Snow Mercy was taking a trip to New Zealand, he wrote this fantasy about Jonny being on the same plane and finally being taken to task for his obnoxious behavior.
Hack thought that if he wrote a book about International Women’s Day that he would get laid left and right. It’s about a guy who writes a book about International Women’s Day and gets laid left and right for it.
Life did not imitate art.
Hack was under the impression that his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris was addicted to reefer for some reason, so he wrote this book as an intervention. When Boris took a dump on the book, Hack was so upset that he spent the next week high on reefer.
Hack always flaunts his “I Voted” sticker on Election Day because he’s convinced that it will make him irresistible to free-thinking communist hippie chicks and politically conservative repressed housewives. The truth is that he only shows up at the polling place and swipes a sticker when no one’s looking because he thinks if he actually votes, the government will use his information to kidnap him and transplant his brain with an alien that crash landed at Area 51.
Hack wrote this fantasy about his friends Snow Mercy and Rosanna De Candia (who both find him repulsive) and his celebrity crush Frances Fisher (who has multiple restraining orders against him) making him their sex slave on a raft in the middle of the ocean. When he saw that cover artist Jonny M. (who depicts himself as the hero on the cover of all of Hack’s books) had put himself in the scenario, Hack tried to cut his throat with a straight-edged razor.
Hack wrote this novel in twenty minutes after watching the Jennifer Lopez music video “Booty” 50 times in a row.