The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack’s infrequent stabs at the sci-fi genre are surprisingly pretty good. This cover went into more detail than usual because a fan bought the book “Jonny’s Birthday,” the cover of has literally nothing to do with the contents and the guy tried to sue Hack for a billion dollars in damages. They settled on an autographed headshot and one of Hack’s used Kleenex (the guy collected celebrity used Kleenex).
This was written during an unfortunate period when Hack was convinced that women love man-buns. His own hair was too thin at that point to even attempt the look so he glued the carcass of a rat he dug out from behind a pizza oven to simulate it. Chicks turned out not to dig it.
This was written in response to a gang of teenagers at the arcade in the Shakey’s Pizza Parlor where Hack works as a janitor taunting him for being a loser. In the novel, the hero drives low-lifes out of town. In real life, the kids put bottle rockets in the toilets Hack was paid to clean.
Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.
Hack based this novel on the trophy wife of a multi-millionaire he once knew whose spouse mysteriously disappeared the day after Hack was heard bragging to all of his friends that she’d agreed to have sex with him if he murdered her husband. The police declared the case unsolved when she disappeared the day after Hack was heard complaining to all of his friends that she’d reneged on her promise to have sex with him.
In a period when Hack was in dire financial straits, he tried to make money as a gay prostitute. He quickly discovered that he was as sexually repellent to man as to women.
A former mob kingpin who has gone straight goes back to his hometown to clean up the criminal element. The gorgeous female DA is so grateful that she rewards him with anal sex.
The anal sex kingpin of the city is challenged by his stable of prostitutes, who band together to take over his territory. By the end, he is reduced to being a lowly gay hooker who survives by selling anal sex to his former rival mobs.
When he found out that his cover artist Jonny M. was an actual friend of his biggest celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack became so consumed with jealousy that he wrote this novel as retribution. As with many of Hack’s novels though, he lost focus while writing and the last three quarters of the thing jarringly turn into a story that has nothing to do with what it started as. There is one amazingly graphic orgy scene between the inhabitants of two warring planets that almost makes it worthwhile.
These two short stories were packaged as a novel in this “Two Great Books Under One Cover.” Of special interest is “Imaginary Lover” which Hack wrote about his friend Glenn Simon’s fascination with 1970’s sex kitten Joey Heatherton, which is essentially a 75-page sex fantasy that somehow found its way into print. It won an O. Henry Award.