The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this as a birthday present to his cover artist Jonny M., who Hack has long said he wished was dead. When Jonny’s pug Boris saw the cover, he bit Hack through the seat of his pants; chomping off a large section of his left butt cheek.
One of Hack’s “socially conscious” novels that tried to talk about the horrors of venereal disease (it was originally published under the title “She Gave Me the Clap”) but is riddled with medical inaccuracies (“If only she’d known that if she simply taken it up the ass instead of in the vah-jay-jay that she would have been fine. When…OH WHEN!…will women realize that anal sex is the road to their salvation?”) The sex scenes were awesome though and Hack later wrote a sequel “Return of the Slut.”
One of Hack’s many attempts to rip off James Bond, this time with a female version of the super-spy. It was a success with the public and Hack was asked to write a sequel but he refused, saying “I put more energy than usual in the male characters who seduced Paige Simon and I found myself getting more and more charged up by them. If I wrote a sequel, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would end up gay.”
Hack normally detests everything about Donald Trump but when Trump said that it was “a dangerous time for men,” he was in rare agreement with 45 and wrote this novel in support of it. As with most times Hack times Hack takes a stand on anything, his logic was so convoluted that he would up making the opposite point and won the Bonnie Ritter Outstanding Feminist Book Award.
Hack was inspired to write this book when his cover artist Jonny M. joined his outdoorsy brother Joe on hike and Jonny had to be air-lifted to a hospital after twenty minutes.
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. saw his friend Frances Fisher in the play “Native Gardens” at the Pasadena Playhouse, she told him that she was expecting her first grandchild. This intensified Hack’s already manic obsession with the actress because he’s “always had a thing for grandmothers,” so he wrote this very strange book about the fetish. After it was published, Ms. Fisher’s restraining order against Hack was extended from 50 to 500 yards.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris beat the living hell out of Hack for being disrespectful to his master, Hack sat down and wrote this novelization of the Quentin Tarantino film “Reservoir Dogs” with a Boris-like pug as Harvey Keitel’s character Mr. Blonde. Tarantino was going to sue but he reportedly found the whole thing so goddamned hilarious that he let it go in exchange for Hack playing the role of a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer in his film “Pulp Fiction,” which ultimately wound up on the cutting room floor.
When Hack heard that his celebrity crush Frances Fisher was starring in a film with this title, he got excited and immediately rushed out this novel with the same name about a sweet girl who unknowingly marries Satan and spends eternity ruling Hell. When Ms. Fisher’s film came out and it turned out to be a charming romantic comedy/drama having nothing to do with the Prince of Darkness, Hack tried to changw the title of his book to “The Devil’s Bride” not realizing that it had already been on sale for a month with the first title but no one cared because Hack’s version was really stupid no matter what it was called
To commemorate the third anniversary of when his cover artist Jonny M. became Facebook friends with his celebrity crush Frances Fisher, Hack wrote this malicious chronicle of their relationship which painted Jonny as an annoying thorn in Ms. Fisher’s side. The only comment that the “Titanic” star gave about the book was “Werker pretty much nailed it.”
Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. was the victim of arson when a person with severe emotional problems tried to burn his house down with him and his pug Boris inside it*. Hack was fascinated by the story and used it as the basis for this novel. Unlike in real life (where the arsonist served a long prison term), in Hack’s version the fire kills Jonny and Boris and the arsonist gets off scotch-free.
* No shit, that really happened.