Hack was still sucking up to the 99-seat theater crowd when he wrote this thriller about a vigilante who dresses up as a cat and fights for their movement. This was during a period when Hack’s reefer addiction was at its most intense.
The Hamcat
Actor for the People
Hack continued on his quest to ty and make himself attractive to free-love addicted actresses with this new book in support of the 99-seat theater movement. Hack got his causes mixed up and wrote a thriller about a rebellious freedom fighter being chased by sadistic kill squads of an oppressive police state and when it was pointed out to him, just just did a search/replace for “rebel” with “actor” and sent it to print. Somehow, it still worked.
Maximum Wage
Hack’s first book for the Pro99 campaign was such a success that he decided to include more actresses that he was infatuated with on the cover in an attempt to win their favor. For this book, he set his sites on famed Twitter pundit Lisa Glass (who he had already depicted on the cover of an earlier novel “Too Fat to Carry”). As was always the case when Hack used his literary output to hit on women out of his league, Ms. Glass found Hack to be a retched and unsettling character and asked him to leave her “the hell alone.” As usual, Hack refused to take no for an answer and featured her on more book covers than almost any other model.
It Wasn’t Enough
Hack discovered that Actor’s Equity Association, the union of professional stage actors, had it out to destroy small theater in Los Angeles from the performers at the tiny theater across the street from the Shakey’s where he worked. He pretended to care in the hopes of getting some poon tang from the actresses among them but when he found out that his biggest celebrity crush, “Titanic” and “Unforgiven” star Frances Fisher supported the small theaters, his passion became genuine. He wrote several books on the subject in the hopes of impressing Ms. Fisher but as was the case with his quest for poon tang, he was a miserable failure.
Dangerous Yenta
When Hack wrote this thriller about a shrill-but-gorgeous Jewess based on his friend Donna who was sexually obsessed with a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction, Donna’s reaction was to scream something at him in Yiddish and hit him over the head with a frying pan.
Farm Stud
Hack based this novel on his friend Eddie Frierson, who hails from Tennessee. For years, Frierson pretended to be illiterate to avoid having to read any of Hack’s books. The rouse was almost discovered when Hack learned that Frierson was actually a graduate of UCLA but when he found out that it was on a sports scholarship, Frierson’s inability to read seemed more plausible than ever.
She Tried to Be Good
There was a small theater across the street from the Shakey’s where Hack works as a janitor and he wrote this to try and impress an actress there who he had a crush on. Rather than having the desired effect, her boyfriend dropped in on the van Hack that lives in in the parking lot of the pizzeria and tied his face into a knot.
Yenta with a Gun
Hack wrote this novel about his friend Donna, a domineering Jewess who terrifies him. He was scared to death at her reaction when she read the book but was relieved when all she had to say about it was that it was the only thing he’s written with likable characters.
Pirate of Love
Hack can’t get anywhere near the water without violently puking his guts out and this romance on the high seas is based on the time he took his second wife in the paddle boats on Tiny Lake Balboa in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles and had to be air-lifted to a nearby hospital. The paramedics immediately discovered that he gets airsick too so all in all, it was a pretty messy day.
Too Fat to Carry
Hack wrote this in the hospital after trying to pick up his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston and suffering a hernia.