The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack once won an award from the Alcoholics Anonymous organization for the vast number of women who were traumatized into sobriety after waking up to see him lying next to them following a night of drunken debauchery. This book tells their harrowing story.
Hack grew to despise his cover artist Jonny M. after constantly hearing of his effortless success with women. Hack intended this chronicle to depict Jonny as a superficial loser who lived an empty life but it wound up getting him more babes than ever, resulting in one of Hack’s many unsuccessful suicide attempts.
A gorgeous female biker and her boyfriend terrorize a neighborhood market until a tough cop tells them to move along, so they do. The actual story is only 15 pages so Hack uses the rest to timeline the countless occasions when his abusive father would batter him.
Hack likes to lounge around in women’s lingerie which, he insists, “is strictly a comfort thing.” A photographer (who, unlike the gorgeous young woman in the novel, was actually an obese man in his 60’s with a glass eye) snapped some pictures of Hack in this state and blackmailed him with them for years until Hack realized that everyone knew that he was a pervert and the pictures wouldn’t make a difference in that regard. Hack based this novel on the episode, although it departs radically from how it actually went down.
Hack is a close follower of pinko political pundit Lisa Glass’ Twitter feed and wrote this novel in an attempt to suck up to her. It resulted (as such moves always do for Hack) with her issuing a restraining order against him.
When the USA’s perennially embarrassing president Donald J. Trump proclaimed on the 4th of July that “our (Revolutionary War) army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do, and at Fort McHenry, under the rockets’ red glare, it had nothing but victory” Hack knocked out this historical novel about the battle. Every critic who reviewed the book mocked it mercifully for its ridiculous historical inaccuracies but it sold well in Kentucky and Arkansas.
Two dashing soldiers of fortune and a sexy femme fatale try to keep the train that carries Donald J. Trump to his inauguration from reaching its destination. They ultimately fail to achieve their goal but they have a lot of weird sex while they’re giving it a shot.
Two world-class art thieves attempt to steal the most famous painting in the world from the Louvre Museum in Paris but spend most of their time having anal sex. The Louvre would later use this novel as part of their training for new security guards.
When his cover artist Jonny M. went away for a short vacation, Hack was so overcome with jealousy that he hastily wrote this book do that Jonny would be overwhelmed with work the second he got back. Jonny screwed him over by crapping out the cover in half an hour and immediately leaving for a long weekend in Vegas, causing Hack to make another of his many unsuccessful suicide attempts.
Hack’s obsession with actress Frances Fisher caused him to watch the film “Titanic” over a hundred times and he became consumed with theory that the door that Rose floated to safety on at the end while Jack froze to death clinging to its side was easily big enough to hold Rose and Jack. While most of Hack’s books top out at about 175-200 pages, this one is over fifteen hundred pages long because it contains Hack’s elaborate theories about why the door couldn’t hold them both.