Silent But Deadly

Hack had been wanting to kill off the Jonny character like Conan Doyle did with Sherlock Holmes so he wrote this “locked room mystery” where Boris is force-fed beans until Jonny is asphyxiated by the pug’s flatulence. Unfortunately for Hack, his plot leaked while he was writing the thing and his fans were so outraged that (like Conan Doyle) he had to bring back his creation and Jonny was reanimated in the final chapter by hooking his scrotum up to a car battery and shocking his balls until he was alive again.

The African Jack

Hack was watching the Humphrey Bogart/Katharine Hepburn classic The African Queen this weekend and, while he liked it well enough, he thought it could have been greatly improved by the inclusion of several graphic sex scenes (rare for 1951 major studio releases). When he learned that today was Ms. Hepburn’s birthday, he decided to right the wrong by rewriting the story to his perverse specifications (making just enough changes to avoid yet another plagiarism suit).

I hate to admit it, but it’s a lot better than the original.