Author: admin

The African Jack

Hack was watching the Humphrey Bogart/Katharine Hepburn classic The African Queen this weekend and, while he liked it well enough, he thought it could have been greatly improved by the inclusion of several graphic sex scenes (rare for 1951 major studio releases). When he learned that today was Ms. Hepburn’s birthday, he decided to right the wrong by rewriting the story to his perverse specifications (making just enough changes to avoid yet another plagiarism suit).

I hate to admit it, but it’s a lot better than the original.

Jonny & Boris Meet Columbo

Like everyone, Hack loves the old Peter Falk mystery series Columbo. But also like everybody, he couldn’t help but notice that the titular police detective solved his cases on the most slender of evidence that not only wouldn’t hold up in court; it likely wouldn’t have made it to trial. Especially since his suspects were all super-rich glitterati who could afford the finest in defense attorneys.

But the show was always fun, so we forgave it its sins. Hack’s work, by contrast, is never fun so Columbo’s methods run into a brick wall of reality and by the book’s end, he’s been kicked off the force and is serving time for violation of his defendants’ civil rights.

Jonny & Boris Meet Veronica Mars

Hack had never heard of Veronica Mars but he saw a Hot Sauce Challenge video on YouTube with Kristen Bell and he fell head-over-heels in love with her, so he wrote this mystery novel as a means of winning her heart. It only resulted in yet another restraining order being filed against him but at least it’s a pretty good read.