The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this book after he received a parking ticket and was convinced that it was a government conspiracy. The book sold well although, as always, his publisher John Kane got all the profits so Hack didn’t even make enough off it to pay for the ticket.
This Jonny M. adventure was based on the exploits of Jonny’s buddy James “Tree” Cleveland, an accomplished fiddler whose serenades to the ladies got him more poon tang than Hack got in his wildest dreams.Hack got so excited after finishing it that he took his kazoo to a nearby girl’s Catholic school and played old Tony Bennett songs on the physical education field until he was dragged off by police.
Hack spent a night at his cover artist Jonny’s M.’s palatial Casa de Jonny estate in Van Nuys, California and was so impressed by the unending stream of gorgeous women who came to visit that he was convinced that Van Nuys was the erotic center of the universe. Jonny never had the heart to tell Hack that the women were there because he ran a porn studio out of his garage, so Hack maintains that opinion to this day.
A virgin begs an itinerant stranger to instruct her in the ways of anal sex.
“One of the most disgusting pieces of trash ever written.” – The Tolucan Times
This is Hack’s final book about the stern and passionate Madam Rosie. His friend Rosanna De Candia told him that she’d “slice him from neck to nuts” if he completed it, so the story stops abruptly on page 78 and the rest is filled out by a short story Hack wrote in 1959 about cross-dressers in the US Coast Guard. Strangely, no one seemed to notice.
Hack wrote this in a fit of anger after his cover artist Jonny M. told him about the debauched weekend he spent on his friend Jesse Merlin’s yacht, to which Hack was pointedly not invited. Hack tried to make it a bleak tale about the empty lives of the super-rich, a sentiment undercut by his launching into a self-indulgent tirade every five pages about how much he wanted to go.
Hack tried to reimagine the monthly poker games he played at his publisher John Kane’s studio apartment in the early 1960s as taking place in the glamorous world of a Monte Carlo casino. The result was an outlandish story about people walking around in white dinner jackets and floor-length evening gown playing Texas Hold ‘Em and drinking beer until a fistfight broke out over who had the biggest genitalia. It was critically panned but sold well to Hack’s core readership, who felt that he was telling their story.
Hack became obsessed with motorcycle gangs after he bought a used Vespa scooter in 1967 and fancied himself quite the hellraiser. He and some other “biker” friends watched Marlon Brando in “The Wild Ones,” got excited and tried taking over a small town. They spent the weekend in jail until one of his friend’s mother bailed them out. The Vespa was stolen a few weeks later by a gang of roving bicycle thieves.
Gorgeous prostitutes start vanishing from the city, interesting no one but the hero (who Hack had such little interest in as a character that he didn’t even give him a name) and his faithful dog. It turns out the prostitutes are being kept in a barge that will transport them to the private island of the evil warlord Vlad Werkowski (Hack’s father’s real name) where they will live out their lives as sex slaves. The prostitutes bide their time in the ship’s hull having lesbian sex until the tide turns so that they can begin their journey but just as it does, the hero and his dog creep onboard to beat the living daylights out of the crew and release the girls. The prostitutes thank him with a massive orgy.
It’s not as good as it sounds.
A pilot crashes his plan on a small island populated entirely by sex-starved gorgeous women during WWII and takes turns having sex with each of them until Nazis show up looking for him. The women then buy the pilot time to escape by having sex with the Nazis. That’s pretty much the whole story. The rest is just 178 pages of sex scenes. It sold well in the Bible Belt.