When his cover artist Jonny M. complained that he had too many women to sexually satisfy in his life, Hack wrote this book in a fit of jealous rage. It’s not a bad read.
Too Many Dames
Author: admin
Mayonnaise is Nonsense
This book was completed when Hack attended a Super Bowl party at his hayseed friend Eddie Frierson’s house and Frierson pitched this ridiculous title. Hack’s eyes caught fire at the suggestion and he rewrote the manuscript overnight to match it.
Larry David: Assassin for Hire
When Hack’s unrequited love for his friend Rosanna De Candia was at its most intense, she admitted to him that she had a crush on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star Larry David. Consumed with jealousy, Hack wrote this bitter story which ends with David and Rosie suffered a painful death at the hands of a pack of savage, rabid wombats. Hack admitted that he felt much better after writing it.
Her Dream Lover
This is one of the few recent Hack Werker novels that didn’t depict Boris the pug on its cover. The sales were disastrous.
Lust in the Dust
Hack tried to exploit the success of the Jonny M. series by putting its branding on hodgepodge of some of his kinkiest sexual fantasies that he wrote to clear up a gambling debt. It sold well but the gangsters broke his kneecaps anyway.
The Psychopath
Hack wrote this book after someone on the social network called him a psychopath because of the content of his books.
Too Studly to Die
Hack’s jealousy over his cover artist Jonny M.’s success with women ultimately consumed him so deeply that he made several unsuccessful murder attempts on Jonny. They were such failures that not only did Hack usually injure himself trying to pull them off but Jonny was inevitably unaware that they had even been attempted. Hack ultimately concluded that Jonny was immortal even though the reality was that Hack was just a colossal fuck-up. Anyway, he wrote this book as an act of contrition.
The Big Frame-Up
Hack wrote this book after he received a parking ticket and was convinced that it was a government conspiracy. The book sold well although, as always, his publisher John Kane got all the profits so Hack didn’t even make enough off it to pay for the ticket.
The Tall Fiddler
This Jonny M. adventure was based on the exploits of Jonny’s buddy James “Tree” Cleveland, an accomplished fiddler whose serenades to the ladies got him more poon tang than Hack got in his wildest dreams.Hack got so excited after finishing it that he took his kazoo to a nearby girl’s Catholic school and played old Tony Bennett songs on the physical education field until he was dragged off by police.
Van Nuys Nights
Hack spent a night at his cover artist Jonny’s M.’s palatial Casa de Jonny estate in Van Nuys, California and was so impressed by the unending stream of gorgeous women who came to visit that he was convinced that Van Nuys was the erotic center of the universe. Jonny never had the heart to tell Hack that the women were there because he ran a porn studio out of his garage, so Hack maintains that opinion to this day.