Hack wrote this book after a young woman he was trying to hit on assumed that his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris was actually Hack’s son because of their uncanny resemblance.
The Dog-Faced Boy
Author: admin
The Reader
This book was yet another failed attempt on Hack’s part to suck up to his friend Rosanna De Candia by promoting her podcast titled Jersey Reads the Classics. The point of the podcast is that Ms. De Candia, a native of New Jersey, gives humorous readings of classic books. But Hack was drunk out of his mind during the hour and a half he devoted to writing this and cranked out an unreadable mess about a sports pullover that taught an adult literacy course in the slums of Chicago. It sold well in some rural areas because of several graphically described erotic scenes between the jersey and an illiterate, nymphomaniacal laundromat clerk who it teaches to read.
The Spanking Nun
The inspiration of this novel is the six months Hack spent at a Romanian Catholic boarding school when he was 12. The title character is based on an actual nun at the school named Sister Brândusa, who took her students over her knee and brutalized them at the slightest provocation. The real-life Sister Brândusa weighed over 250 lbs. and had a hairy mole covering half her face, so Hack based the fictional version on his super-hot friend Rosanna De Candia. The story is vastly more effective for it.
Cult of the Snuffed Pug
Hack wrote this to get revenge on his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris after the dog urinated in his vodka tonic. Boris had the ultimate retribution when he sued Hack for libel and collected a six-figure settlement.
Stone Cold Blonde
When a customer who Hack had a crush on at the Shakey’s where he worked changed her hair from brunette to blonde, he got so excited that he wrote this book in tribute to her. It didn’t have quite the effect he desired, as her boyfriend beat him up so badly that he wound up in traction.
Jonny & Boris of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police
This book was the result of Hack getting hammered and watching a bunch of Dudley Doo-Right cartoons with his cover artist Jonny M and his pug Boris. There’s a very disturbing sex scene between Boris and a Canadian moose who describes himself as a “power bottom.”
The Pug was in the Driver’s Seat
Hack wrote this after he took his van to get gas with his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug as a passenger. While he was filling up, he attempted to hit on a gorgeous woman at the next pump but she was only interested in playing with Boris. Hack tried to make Boris walk home after that but the gorgeous woman gave him a lift and no one knows what happened after that.
The Journey of the Man Who Farted
This was the finale in the “Man Who Farted” series, in which French Stewart travels to a far-off land to be treated for his malady. It ends happily when he is put on a high fiber diet.
A Bed of Rosies
This was the final “Jonny M. Adventure” in which Jonny’s love interest is Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia. It is really just a long list of the sexual fantasies Hack has had about Ms. De Candia over the years connected by a loose plot in which she and Jonny foil some foreign agents by beating the hell out of them. When the book came out, Ms. De Candia tracked Hack down and beat the hell out of him.
The Attack of the Man Who Farted
The third in the “Man Who Farted” series was inspired an experience Hack had on a packed escalator where a dude whose cornhole was positioned immediately in front of Hack’s face cut a massive whopper at point blank range.
Hack wrote the book while in the intensive care unit.