The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
This is a run-of-the-mill Junior Ranger adventure where Ranger Joe saves some endangered leopards from poachers. There is one interesting scene where Joe has to dress up like a leopard and pretend to mate with one of the big cats, but you have to read the book to get the full impact.
Hack was contracted to write a light-hearted novelette inspired by the Frank Loesser song but he got carried away, penning a dark tragedy in which the guy viciously rapes the girl and she dies a few hours later. When he gets caught trying to dispose of the body, he is put on trial for murder and is executed. It’s become a holiday classic.
This was written in the brief period that Hack thought if he dealt reefer, women would be willing to sleep with him if they couldn’t come up with money. He failed when A> he wound up smoking most of the reefer himself and B> his clients quickly found out that he was a wuss and if they so much as looked at him sternly, he’d give them everything he had for free.
Hack wrote this as a birthday present to his cover artist Jonny M., who Hack has long said he wished was dead. When Jonny’s pug Boris saw the cover, he bit Hack through the seat of his pants; chomping off a large section of his left butt cheek.
One of Hack’s “socially conscious” novels that tried to talk about the horrors of venereal disease (it was originally published under the title “She Gave Me the Clap”) but is riddled with medical inaccuracies (“If only she’d known that if she simply taken it up the ass instead of in the vah-jay-jay that she would have been fine. When…OH WHEN!…will women realize that anal sex is the road to their salvation?”) The sex scenes were awesome though and Hack later wrote a sequel “Return of the Slut.”
One of Hack’s many attempts to rip off James Bond, this time with a female version of the super-spy. It was a success with the public and Hack was asked to write a sequel but he refused, saying “I put more energy than usual in the male characters who seduced Paige Simon and I found myself getting more and more charged up by them. If I wrote a sequel, there’s no doubt in my mind that I would end up gay.”
Hack normally detests everything about Donald Trump but when Trump said that it was “a dangerous time for men,” he was in rare agreement with 45 and wrote this novel in support of it. As with most times Hack times Hack takes a stand on anything, his logic was so convoluted that he would up making the opposite point and won the Bonnie Ritter Outstanding Feminist Book Award.
Hack was inspired to write this book when his cover artist Jonny M. joined his outdoorsy brother Joe on hike and Jonny had to be air-lifted to a hospital after twenty minutes.
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. saw his friend Frances Fisher in the play “Native Gardens” at the Pasadena Playhouse, she told him that she was expecting her first grandchild. This intensified Hack’s already manic obsession with the actress because he’s “always had a thing for grandmothers,” so he wrote this very strange book about the fetish. After it was published, Ms. Fisher’s restraining order against Hack was extended from 50 to 500 yards.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris beat the living hell out of Hack for being disrespectful to his master, Hack sat down and wrote this novelization of the Quentin Tarantino film “Reservoir Dogs” with a Boris-like pug as Harvey Keitel’s character Mr. Blonde. Tarantino was going to sue but he reportedly found the whole thing so goddamned hilarious that he let it go in exchange for Hack playing the role of a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer in his film “Pulp Fiction,” which ultimately wound up on the cutting room floor.