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Hack indulged himself on this book by bringing his well-known hatred of Santa Claus into the narrative. When Saint Nick crash-lands in the park, Ranger Joe takes over for him and finds the job so easy that he is appalled at how overrated a figure Santa is. So when he finishes the task and returns to the park, Joe summons an angry gorilla who owes Joe a favor to tear Santa limb from limb and then feast on his flesh..
It did not become the holiday perennial that publisher John Kane hoped for.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe, the basis for the Junior Ranger books, got struck by a skateboarder and his ability to take part in a hike he wanted to go on was endangered, Joe made such a fuss about it that Hack wrote this book to mock him. When it was published, it turned out that there were countless thousands of outdoorsmen who had endured similar injuries so that rather than becoming a laughingstock, Joe was lauded as a folk hero. Hack, by contrast, was widely mocked for his terrible writing.
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M.’ brother Joe (upon whom the Ranger Joe character is based) read this novel, he said that “it was the only Junior Ranger book which accurately portrayed the Junior Ranger experience.”
Hack got his first cell phone in 2017, a 2004 Motorola flip phone that he thought was so amazing that he wrote this erotic sci-fi thriller around it. This wasn’t one of Hack’s better forays into the genre but it did have a scene where the Space Girls start their own phone sex line that is pretty hot.
Disappointed with the reception to “Junior Ranger and the Hellish Hyenas of Togario Alpine Crossing,” Hack decided o take another stab at a Junior Ranger book about Bro Joe’s Australia/New Zealand adventure. He refused to learn from his earlier mistake and didn’t do any research about the countries as all, but his core readership loved the man-eating marsupials of the title and his depiction of anal sex by the aborigines (who, according to the book, “all looked exactly like Halle Berry.”)
When Bro Joe took a trip to Austrailia and New Zealand, Hack cranked out a Junior Ranger book about it without bothering to consult with Joe about what the countries were like. The Tolucan Times wrote “the only thing that can be learned about either nation from this book is that its inhabitants really like anal sex.”
This was the first Junior Ranger book in which Hack try to suck up to one of his celebrity crushes, depicting the legendary Elizabeth Taylor as an actress who Ranger Joe must save from deadly vipers. When Hack approached her at a Hollywood party to discuss a movie adaptation of the book, security took him outside and beat him so badly that he was temporarily paralyzed.
Hack ran into some legal trouble when it came out that he had kept a young woman locked in the basement of his publisher John Kane’s beach house for two months. Hack denied any wrongdoing and insisted that the woman had requested that he shackle and gag her, but he grudgingly accepted a plea bargain to escape the death penalty of life imprisonment (although that was reduced to five weeks on a technicality). The story inspired this novel.
Hack was still trying to suck up to the disciples of his cover artist Jonny M.’s late pug Winston with this volume, which had Winston coming back from doggie heaven to make his master sexually irresistible to the ladies. The Winstonites, who castrated themselves to be more like their neutered leader, were unimpressed but Jonny M. himself thought it ranked among Hack’s best books.