Author: admin

Forgiven

Hack wrote this sequel to Clint Eastwood’s classic Western “Unforgiven” to tell the story of what happened to the town madam Strawberry Alice (played by Hack’s obsessive celebrity crush Frances Fisher). It begins just as the movie is ending, when Alice runs out of Greely’s Berr Garden and Billiard Parlour just before the climactic shootout with William Munny and Little Bill Daggett and into the waiting arms of her secret lover, a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction. The rest is a tale of their perfect love as the male character (who Hack neglected to give a name) writes fabulously successful novels while Alice practices all the erotic skills on him that she learned from her years working at the billiard parlour. Nothing much happens until the end, when Munny inexplicably shows up and the male character tells him to move his ass to San Francisco, where he’ll prosper in dry goods.

Junior Ranger and the Gorillas of Griffith Park

After the failure of “Junior Ranger and the Heart of Darkness,” the popularity of the Junior Ranger books seemed to be waning. In a bold move, publisher John Kane made a deal with cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston to appear as a character in an attempt to give the series a shot in the arm.Hack was bitter about the move because he hated Winston but his contract with Kane gave him no choice, so he wrote the book as ordered. It restored the Junior Ranger books’s readership as hoped, but Hack was livid when he learned that Winston’s contract mandated that the pug make far more money from the publication than Hack did.

Junior Ranger and the Heart of Darkness

This is the book that nearly sank the series when Ranger Joe became so obsessed with following the rules in the manual that readers found him to be a spineless pussy and sales tanked. Hack learned hid lesson and future installments found Joe not only to be more quick-thinking and improvisational, but open to sexual experiments of all kinds with women, men and especially the animals of the parks he protected.

Junior Ranger and the Rebel Women

Hack started pushing the envelope in the Junior Ranger saga with this entry, which contained almost none of the outdoorsy adventure found in the early books and focused on hardcore graphic sex. Publisher John Kane was worried that it would alienate the readership so he insisted that Hack add a subplot about a butterfly collector lost in the park. Hack obliged, but had the Lepidopterologist kidnapped by a gang of roving hippie chicks and savagely raped.

Junior Ranger and the Holiday from Hell

Hack indulged himself on this book by bringing his well-known hatred of Santa Claus into the narrative. When Saint Nick crash-lands in the park, Ranger Joe takes over for him and finds the job so easy that he is appalled at how overrated a figure Santa is. So when he finishes the task and returns to the park, Joe summons an angry gorilla who owes Joe a favor to tear Santa limb from limb and then feast on his flesh..

It did not become the holiday perennial that publisher John Kane hoped for.

Junior Ranger and the Skateboard of Doom

When his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe, the basis for the Junior Ranger books, got struck by a skateboarder and his ability to take part in a hike he wanted to go on was endangered, Joe made such a fuss about it that Hack wrote this book to mock him. When it was published, it turned out that there were countless thousands of outdoorsmen who had endured similar injuries so that rather than becoming a laughingstock, Joe was lauded as a folk hero. Hack, by contrast, was widely mocked for his terrible writing.

Space Girls from Space

Hack got his first cell phone in 2017, a 2004 Motorola flip phone that he thought was so amazing that he wrote this erotic sci-fi thriller around it. This wasn’t one of Hack’s better forays into the genre but it did have a scene where the Space Girls start their own phone sex line that is pretty hot.

Junior Ranger and the Killer Kangaroos of the Outback

Disappointed with the reception to “Junior Ranger and the Hellish Hyenas of Togario Alpine Crossing,” Hack decided o take another stab at a Junior Ranger book about Bro Joe’s Australia/New Zealand adventure. He refused to learn from his earlier mistake and didn’t do any research about the countries as all, but his core readership loved the man-eating marsupials of the title and his depiction of anal sex by the aborigines (who, according to the book, “all looked exactly like Halle Berry.”)