Author: admin

The Pug Peed on the Corpse

When Hack finally recarpeted the van that he sleeps in after forty years, the first thing his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston did was urinate on a small section of it. Hack was furious at first until he realized that after four decades of sleeping on soiled carpeting, he couldn’t sleep on anything else. So he invited Winston back the next day to pee on the rest of it.

His cover artist Jonny M. found the subject matter distasteful and only agreed to make it if Hack would make the character based on him give Joan Crawford the greatest orgasm of her life just before the murder took place. They compromised and had him on the verge of satisfying Joan just before Bette Davis gunned her down. Jonny finally agreed that his not being able to satisfy a woman to conclusion had a much stronger basis in reality.

Finish Line of Death

When it appeared more and more like Actors’ Equity was working against the will of its members trying to destroy small theatre in Los Angeles, Hack wrote this last book on the theme to drive the final nail into the coffin. When it became obvious that AEA leadership was going to do what it wanted no matter what happened, Hack threw up his hands in frustration and went back to writing about anal sex.

Photochopped

When his cover artist Jonny M.friend and Hack’s celebrity crush Frances Fisher began appearing on the covers of Hack’s books, she was initially amused by it. She even sent Jonny an image she found on the Internet and dared Jonny to make a cover from it. Jonny took her up on the challenge and when Hack saw the cover, he had the complete novel written less than an hour later.

Timeshare

Immediately after completing his run as Shakespeare’s Richard III, his cover artist Jonny M. appeared in a new play written by his friend Steve B. Green called “Timeshare.” Once again, Hack was so impressed that he decided to write a sequel in novel form but instead of doing it with a classic in public domain like “Richard III,” he did it with Green’s original play without obtaining the rights. When Jonny saw the manuscript, he had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital where he was contractually obligated to make the cover art for the book. Fortunately, it all ended well as Green loved what Hack did with his characters and the two collaborated on an opera based on Green’s play “Three Really Offensive Scenes about the Founding Fathers.”

The Ghost of Richard III

When he saw his cover artist Jonny M. give his definitive performance as Shakespeare’s Richard III, Hack was so impressed that he wrote this sequel where the hunchback king comes back to life and blows away all of his surviving enemies. Hack’s version remained surprisingly true to Shakespeare’s original except that while he was waiting in the afterlife, Richard seemed to have developed an insatiable desire for anal sex.

Actor for the People

Hack continued on his quest to ty and make himself attractive to free-love addicted actresses with this new book in support of the 99-seat theater movement. Hack got his causes mixed up and wrote a thriller about a rebellious freedom fighter being chased by sadistic kill squads of an oppressive police state and when it was pointed out to him, just just did a search/replace for “rebel” with “actor” and sent it to print. Somehow, it still worked.

Maximum Wage

Hack’s first book for the Pro99 campaign was such a success that he decided to include more actresses that he was infatuated with on the cover in an attempt to win their favor. For this book, he set his sites on famed Twitter pundit Lisa Glass (who he had already depicted on the cover of an earlier novel “Too Fat to Carry”). As was always the case when Hack used his literary output to hit on women out of his league, Ms. Glass found Hack to be a retched and unsettling character and asked him to leave her “the hell alone.” As usual, Hack refused to take no for an answer and featured her on more book covers than almost any other model.