President Gimp

Hack has never made any secret of his being turned on by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, especially when he watches her take down Donald Trump with such ease. When he wrote this book that depicted her as a stern dominatrix, he was paid a visit by the Secret Service in which (in Hack’s words) a female agent “gave me the full Nancy Pelosi treatment. It was totally worth the two weeks that I spent in ICU.”

Return of the Slut

This sequel picks up where “The Slut” left off. Strangely, the title character is constantly giving men syphilis without suffering from the illness herself. When pressed about that detail, Hack testily warns you not to challenge him because he is one of the recognized greatest experts on the disease in the world. This despite that fact that he doesn’t spell it correctly anywhere in the book, including the cover.

Wetlands Woman

When his celebrity crush Frances Fisher organized a movement to keep endangered wetlands developed, Hack tried to suck up to her by writing this novel in support of her work. As usual, the many graphic sex scenes horrified most civilized readers although sales skyrocketed when Oprah Winfrey raved about the book on her TV show.

Ziegfeld Whore

Hack wrote this when he was hanging around the small theater across the street from the Shakey’s where he works as a janitor and he became obsessed with one of the actresses who performed there. In the book, the rising starlet gets hooked up with mobsters who come to her dressing room after the show and her life goes into a rapid descent until she winds up as the night janitor at the Shakey’s across the street from the theater that she used to perform at.

The Thing That Made Love

Hack’s publisher John Kane got in legal hot water for putting Hack’s name on this novel by David V. Reed and trying to pass it off as a Hack Werker book in Europe. Critics saw through the rouse because of the comprehensible plot and vast majority of correctly spelled words, making it obvious that Hack had no part in writing it.