The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack was surprised to discover that his books sold well south of the border, so he wrote this one in Spanish using Google Translate with his musical crush Linda Ronstadt as the heroine. Sadly it sold poorly in Mexico (where it was considered incomprehensible) but it was an unexpected hit in Thailand.
Hack wrote this spy thriller with high hopes of selling the movie rights, starting a franchise that would spring to the collective mind every time a Friday the 13th appeared on the calendar. When he learned that there was already a series of horror films based on that strategy, he made another of his many failed suicide attempts by jumping out a window but broke his fall by landing on the woman who would become his sixth wife. After they were divorced three months later, Hack said that he wished that he’d stuck with his original title of “Goldfinger.”
This was written when Hack’s air conditioner went out during a heat wave. He did not take it well.
Hack’s output was so great by 1970 (often finishing a dozen novels a week) that his publisher John Kane suggested that he write under a pseudoym for the “romance novel” division of his company, Pierrot Romances. Hack wrote 17 titles under the pen name “Helen Bedd” until Kane finally determined that there was no market amongst his female readership for Hack’s angry depiction of anal sex.
A gorgeous woman has four men vying for her affection and she determines that she will marry the one who is the most skilled at anal sex. College English professors often use this novel as an ideal representation of Hack’s early writing style.
Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.
In a period when Hack was in dire financial straits, he tried to make money as a gay prostitute. He quickly discovered that he was as sexually repellent to man as to women.
A stenographer in the secretarial pool of a big corporation gets passed around the top executives for anal sex until she becomes president of the company and fires them all.
Hack wrote this to appease all the people who were pissed off about Sex Slaves of Sex Island. It turned out they they were even more pissed off about this.
This was originally written in 1965 when two waitresses at the Shakey’s pizza parlor he was the night janitor at conned him into believing that they wanted a 3-way with him when all they really wanted was the use of his van in the pizzeria parking lot to engage in illicit lesbian sex. They locked Hack out of the van as soon as they got inside and while it rocked violently back and forth, he wrote this novel in his head.
The two waitresses spent twenty years as Catholic nuns and are now married to each other and run a feminist bookstore in Portland, Oregon.