Category: Adult Content

Cover The Living Room in Plastic

Hack wrote this book in celebration of Love Your Body Day, a holiday that challenges “the unrealistic beauty standards and gender stereotypes promoted by the media, Hollywood and the fashion, cosmetics and diet industries,” and “a day when women of all sizes, colors, ages and abilities come together to celebrate self-acceptance and to promote positive body image.”

Hack being Hack, he thought it was a day to celebrate loving your body by whacking off and penned this disgusting 356 page novel about that singular act. While it proved to be a huge seller in college towns, we suggest that you give it a pass and focus on Love Your Body Day for what it’s supposed to represent. And if part of that is diddling yourself, that’s your business.

Where No Man Has Cum Before

Hack went to see a screening of the sci-fi classic The Search for Spock and was especially interested when the titular Vulcan (who had been left for dead on the planet Genesis and had been regenerated, aging at a rapid rate) had hit his teenage years and was going through Pon Farr for the first time, which is basically when the pointy-eared aliens are in heat. Hack was excited because as luck would have it, the gorgeous female Vulcan Saavik was onhand to lead Spock into manhood (or in this case, Vulcanhood) and with all Hack had heard about Pon Farr, he was expecting to see some violent and intense extraterrestrial banging.

Instead, Saavik gave him what amounted to a timid and disinterested hand job, which apparently did the trick because beta Spock immediately returned to the lethargic state that he was in throughout the rest of the goddamned movie. Hack was prepared to march to the box office to demand his money back when he realized that this was the reconstituted Vulcan’s first sexual experience, and Hack thought back to when he popped his own cherry at the tender age of 8 that it amounted to a timid and disinterested hand job too. So he decided that if the world was going to get the straight dope about the perversions experienced Vulcans indulged in when they lost their minds once every seven years, he’d have to write it himself. This book is that story and if you can get your hands on a copy, you’ll find that they’re into some intensely rough trade.