Category: Beautiful Babes

The Slave Princess: Naked and in Chains

Hack wrote this to try and capitalize on the “sex and sandals” craze popularized at the time by the film “Hercules” starring bodybuilder Steve Reeves. It’s pretty good but like so many of Hack’s books, it loses focus and the last 50 pages are about a spaceship battle. It developed a small cult following five years after its original publication when LSD came into vogue and the plot finally made some sense.

Runaway Virgin

A virgin sacrificing her innocence to get a man to help her get out of some scandal is a common Hack Werker theme, although all of his vestal characters inexplicably throw themselves into enthusiastically receiving angry anal intercourse as their first sexual encounter. When asked about that, Hack testily replies “my first time was having something shoved up my rectum, and it didn’t do me a bit of harm!” He never elaborates, as he inevitably breaks down weeping after that.

Harem Girls of Van Nuys

When his cover artist Jonny M. decided to fuck with Hack by telling him that there was a white slaver ringer that worked out of his home town of Van Nuys, California and they sold young women into the underground sex market. Hack immediately took this outlandish tale as gospel and cranked out this “all true story” without so much as checking any other source. Only after the book came out did he actually try to procure a sex slave from the mob but when he approached the dicey character he thought was in charge, he wound up being talked into buying a timeshare in Boca Raton.

The Client had a Hugh Rack

Hack has been trying to get his friend Harmony Sanchez into the sack for year but since she finds him physically repulsive, it’s doubtful that it will ever happen. That didn’t stop Hack from writing this detective novel as a tribute to her “epic pair of boobs” (as he describes them on page one) in which the character based on her has no money so she has to pay the detective by letting him “titty fuck the shit out of her.” Surprisingly, it won the Edgar Allan Poe Award for Best Mystery Novel although the president of the Mystery Writers of America (who give out the prize) was immediately voted out of office after the announcement.

Return of the Monday

Hack’s book “Attack of the Monday” sold so well that he wrote this sequel to try and capitalize on it. Unfortunately, as with no many of his books, he went off on a tangent so that the last two-thirds are a rant about how socialism is actually communism. Fortunately, there were still enough graphic sex scenes that his hardcore fans didn’t seem to mind.

Jonny M: The Unauthorized Biography

Hack was adamantly against having to write this biography of his cover artist Jonny M. but he had signed an iron-clad contract so there was nothing he could do about it. This is one of the very few books that he actually did research for in the hopes of finding dirt on Jonny that would destroy him in the public eye but he only uncovered story after story that revealed him to be a selfless hero, and absolute catnip to the ladies. Hack was nothing short of furious at the book’s worldwide success and when he won the Pulitzer Prize for Biography for it, he used the medallion as a beer coaster.

The Hypnotist

Hack wrote this book after attending the lounge act of Pat Collins, “the hip hypnotist.” Hack was impressed when Ms. Collins hypnotized him into thinking he was a chicken; to the point that after the show he had an unusually large bowel movement and sat on it for several days, expecting it to hatch.