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This was the first of Hack’s hugely successful “The Client Was A…” mystery series. A beautiful heiress is found murdered until she shows up at a detective’s office asking him to solve the crime, even through she has nothing to pay him with but anal sex. The exciting climax at the top of “the big Jesus statue in Brazil” is considered one of Hack’s most famous sequences.
Hack wrote this to suck up to “Titanic” star Frances Fisher on her birthday. It resulted in her first restraining order against him.
Hack had been approached to write his autobiography for decades but when he finally got around to it, his brain was so fried from alcohol and drug use that he could barely remember anything about his own life. The first fifty pages are an accurate depiction of his abusive relationship with his father but the rest of the book is accounts of sexual fantasies he’s had of women throughout his life; from major movie stars to supermarket cashiers he glanced at in passing. It became one of his all-time best sellers.
When Hack discovered that there was a small theater across the street from the Shakey’s where he worked as a janitor, he volunteered as a technician with the expectation that he would meet scatterbrained actresses who believed in Free Love. To his disappointment, they all turned out to be intelligent, mature women who found him as repellent as any other women do.
This is the true story of a group of bored housewives who lived in Hack’s neighborhood and got their kicks by betting on which one could deflower the most virgin teens nearby. Hack tried to take advantage of the situation by convincing them that he was a virgin but since he was 74 years old at the time, his scheme ended in humiliating failure.
An historical novel about a female fencing master in the 18th century who would vanquish all comers and then anally violate them with her épée sword. When a handsome nobleman who she falls in love with challenges her to a match, she kicks his ass in fencing but turns the tables by letting him anally violate her. Not one of Hack’s best.
This is the last of Hack’s “Cat Lady of Death” trilogy. He would have written more but the lady with all the cats who came into the Shakey’s where he worked moved away, so he found other thing to terrify him.
This is one of Hack’s many attempts to suck up to his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass by imaging her elected the first Jewish female president and taking a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer as her live-in lover. She doesn’t get a lot of work done.
Hack briefly considered a career as a boxer but only lasted one fight in which he was knocked out in the first round. He hallucinated the story of this novel while he was having brain surgery.
After Hack got out of the hospital following the beating his friend Sara gave him for writing “The Car Salesman,” he heard news that she had a much better experience with a female salesperson who Sara learned was a lesbian. Hack wrote this book about the experience which his publisher John Kane was expecting to be a salacious romp full of girl-on-girl sex. But Hack surprised him with this family-friendly tale of a happily married lesbian with two adopted children who sells a good car to a woman at a fair price.
It was not well-received by Hack’s core readership, but at least the misleading cover art did result in reasonably good sales in Bible Belt states.