This was the second book wrote under this title after seeing Frances Fisher perform in the play. It was even less historically accurate than the first one.
The Lion in Winter
Category: Celebrity Cameo
The Dragons of Eleanor of Aquitaine
Hack’s third book about the tenth century queen, this one written while he was having an acid flashback. Whatever your expectations are about this thing, it’s way weirder than that.
The Secret Loves of Eleanor of Aquitaine
Hack’s obsession was still at it height after seeing Frances Fisher and Gregory Harrison perform James Goldman’s play. This book is nasty, even by Hack’s standards.
The Escape of Eleanor of Aquitaine
After Hack saw Frances Fisher and Gregory Harrison in this play, he became obsessed and wrote several novels on the subject. He doesn’t believe in doing any research on his books (which take him between two to four hours to write), so yeah.
The First Deadly Sin
This was based on one of Hack’s many efforts to bring down his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris. He hired a gorgeous prostitute to promise to have sex with Jonny if he would betray Boris in an assassination attempt Hack had set up. Jonny refused to betray the pug but the prostitute had sex with him anyway, and Hack wound up shooting his own toe off when they conned him into believing that the scheme would go off as planned.
Los Pecados De Mi Padre
Hack was surprised to discover that his books sold well south of the border, so he wrote this one in Spanish using Google Translate with his musical crush Linda Ronstadt as the heroine. Sadly it sold poorly in Mexico (where it was considered incomprehensible) but it was an unexpected hit in Thailand.
Friday the 13th
Hack wrote this spy thriller with high hopes of selling the movie rights, starting a franchise that would spring to the collective mind every time a Friday the 13th appeared on the calendar. When he learned that there was already a series of horror films based on that strategy, he made another of his many failed suicide attempts by jumping out a window but broke his fall by landing on the woman who would become his sixth wife. After they were divorced three months later, Hack said that he wished that he’d stuck with his original title of “Goldfinger.”
Sleeping In
Hack wrote this novel as a jab at his cover artists Jonny M., who missed a production meeting with him because he chose to sleep in instead. Jonny screwed Hack over by depicting himself on the cover in bed with Hack’s biggest celebrity crush Linda Ronstadt. As soon as Hack saw the picture, he had an immediate nervous breakdown and was institutionalized for four months where he had to endure a rigorous healing regimen that saw him rise at 4:00 a.m. while Jonny was sleeping in until noon. Hack has never mentioned the book since and if it is offered to him at book signings, he slaps it out of the person’s hand and insists that he never wrote it.
The Lounge Singer
Hack loosely based this novel on his affair with singer Keely Smith, who dated him briefly after her divorce from Louis Prima. Hack always referred to her as “the one that got away” whereas Ms. Smith would later call Hack “that perverted bastard.”
The Office
Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.