The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack was a huge fan of “Get Smart” and, as always, became sexually obsessed with its costar Barbara Feldon. This novelization has Agent 99 going undercover as a prostitute who specializes in anal sex in order to infiltrate KAOS and get a binder of top secret information. Most copies were recalled after a lawsuit from NBC but the few that are available on eBay prove that the book is really as bad as it sounds.
Hack got into a violent bar fight in 1969 over who was hotter, Mary Ann or Ginger with Hack arguing in favor in Mary Ann. Things got out of hand and Hack murdered the other man, spending eight months in prison before being sprung on a technicality. He used the time to pen this novel (along with several hundred others).
Hack came to sexual maturity in an age when hotels still employed house detectives to ensure that couples who stayed under their roofs were married and not just there for Godless hanky panky. Since the vast majority of his sexual activity at the time was with syphilitic prostitutes, he carried a bogus marriage license to display at check-in which would typically result in his being beaten to a pulp in the alley behind the hotel by the house dick. This novel is a remembrance of those golden times.
When his cover artist Jonny M. went away for a short vacation, Hack was so overcome with jealousy that he hastily wrote this book do that Jonny would be overwhelmed with work the second he got back. Jonny screwed him over by crapping out the cover in half an hour and immediately leaving for a long weekend in Vegas, causing Hack to make another of his many unsuccessful suicide attempts.
Hack’s obsession with actress Frances Fisher caused him to watch the film “Titanic” over a hundred times and he became consumed with theory that the door that Rose floated to safety on at the end while Jack froze to death clinging to its side was easily big enough to hold Rose and Jack. While most of Hack’s books top out at about 175-200 pages, this one is over fifteen hundred pages long because it contains Hack’s elaborate theories about why the door couldn’t hold them both.
This is a rare Hack Werker romantic novel set in Paris where every goddamned scene is set in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.
This was one of Hack’s most controversial titles. The city’s mob kingpin has his goons kidnap a senior from the Van Nuys Boarding School for Hot Virgin Girls, ages 18 to 22 and play cards to see which of the town’s sexual deviants will take her virginity. Boris gets in the game to save her and just as he is on the verge of winning, he loses the last hand with four aces to a local perv’s royal flush (Hack doesn’t really understand poker). But just as the perv is about to deflower her, Boris takes out a semi-automatic and blows everyone at the table away. It’s a feel-good escapist piece of fluff.
Hack swears up and down that this was a true story but it turned out to have the exact same plot as an old Linda Blair movie he watch on Cinemax once while he was high on reefer, so I kind of doubt it.
Women are held captive as sex slaves on a pirate ship with lots of scenes of angry anal sex. It’s pretty boilerplate Hack.
Hack’s book “Attack of the Monday” sold so well that he wrote this sequel to try and capitalize on it. Unfortunately, as with no many of his books, he went off on a tangent so that the last two-thirds are a rant about how socialism is actually communism. Fortunately, there were still enough graphic sex scenes that his hardcore fans didn’t seem to mind.