The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack had intended this to be the story of how he had heroically fought down some young thugs in his neighborhood but when everyone read the proofs, they congratulated him on writing a hilarious book about a mean-spirited old bastard who was constantly harassing innocent teens. He quietly changed the title from “The Hero of the Neighborhood” to “The Grumpy Old Bastard” and pretended that was what he had meant all along.
When Hack went out grocery shopping for the staples of his diet during the coronavirus scare (Jack Daniels and Hershey bars), he found himself surrounded by so many people wearing surgical masks that he had a panic attack and collapsed. He woke up in Tijuana the next day with this manuscript in his pocket.
Hack wrote this after he went on Amazon.com during the coronavirus panic and saw that they had paper towels “in stock,” so he tried to order some only to get an error that no delivery time was available. To be brutally honest, he lives in a van like an animal and has no need for paper towels but he was still pretty upset.
Hack’s friend Eddie Frierson (see Mayonnaise is Nonsense) is an actor famous for a one-man show he performs about 16th century baseball player Christy Mathewson. When Frierson snubbed his nose at the coronavirus scare and performed the play in Los Angeles, Hack wrote this novel in tribute.
Hack wrote this to get revenge on his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris after the dog urinated in his vodka tonic. Boris had the ultimate retribution when he sued Hack for libel and collected a six-figure settlement.
This was the finale in the “Man Who Farted” series, in which French Stewart travels to a far-off land to be treated for his malady. It ends happily when he is put on a high fiber diet.
The third in the “Man Who Farted” series was inspired an experience Hack had on a packed escalator where a dude whose cornhole was positioned immediately in front of Hack’s face cut a massive whopper at point blank range.
Hack wrote the book while in the intensive care unit.
“The Man Who Farted” was such a huge success that Hack wrote this sequel in which a group of people are forced to take a long car ride during a blizzard while the title character keeps cutting massive farts. The plot sounds thin but this is one of Hack’s longest books at 1,217 pages.
Hack is an obsessive fan of “Third Rock from the Sun” star French Stewart, and claims one of the highlights of his life was briefly sharing an elevator with the actor. The only thing that marred the experience, Hack insisted, was when Stewart “let a massive one rip between the third and fourth floors,” so he went home and wrote this novel about it. His cover artist Jonny M. was also in the elevator and claims that it was actually Hack who cut one, a statement which put additional pressure on their already tense relationship.
A nostalgic reminiscence from Hack’s teenage years when he would take girls to the movies, buy a bucket of popcorn and punch out the bottom, and then wait for them to inevitably dig for a handful of his Johnson. He ultimately spent so much money on popcorn without result that he fantasized that someone would just play the trick on him. It never happened.