The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack was having a drink with his cover artist Jonny M. and one of the gorgeous women Jonny inevitably has with him when a drunk started harassing the young lady. Jonny responded with his fists and when three friends of the drunk tried to come to his defense, they were all taken out on stretchers. As much as Hack despises Jonny, he was impressed by the display and wrote this novel about it.
A hero for the resistance, his devoted pug and a gorgeous blonde are taken captive by the fascists of the Trump administration and forced to commit bizarre sexual acts on each other. This was written during Trump’s first year in office and as bizarre as it is, the reality turned out to be much stranger.
This was another attempt by Hack to suck up to his favorite Twitter pundit Lisa Glass while ripping the Trump administration and settling a bet he lost to his cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris. When you take all that into account, it’s not a bad read.
A hotshot pilot and his dog navigator are shot down in a village populated by gorgeous women where pro-Trump fascists have taken over and they must rescue them. Since this is a Hack Werker novel, the women thank them with an anal orgy. It becomes pretty implausible by then but up until that point, it’s kind of exciting.
Hack’s friend Glenn T. Simon used to regale Hack with stories about his daring days as a semi-professional hockey player which Hack immortalized in this novel. After it was published, it came out that Simon was really nothing more than a waterboy who had to retire when players on his own team gave him a “wedgie” that pulverized both his testicles.
A demented serial killer shows up at a Memorial Day barbeque and proceeds to murder everyone in attendance. Hack wrote this after going to a similar function at the home of his publisher John Kane and violently attacking his host after being told that they only had turkey burgers.
Hack attended a concert by a fiddle player named James Cleveland and became so hypnotized by the music that he showed up at Cleveland’s house that night for instructions on who Cleveland wanted him to kill. Hack wrote the outline for this book while he was waiting to be bailed out for that.
Nobody really gets Hack’s obsession with virgins but as long as there’s a court order that keeps him 500 yards away from all schools and malt shops, I guess that there’s no harm in it.
Hack based the title character – a mean, semi-illiterate, violently abusive old man who everyone despised – on his own father Vlad, and took obvious delight in constructing scene after scene where the various character try to kill him. The old man finally meets his doom by being beaten to death by a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer in circumstances that eerily mirror Vlad’s actual murder (which has never been solved but which many Hack Werker biographer attribute to Hack himself). Whenever he is asked about this book, Hack merely responds with an enigmatic smile and says “the old bastard got what was coming to him.”
When he heard that horror movie star Graham Skipper was hosting a “horror speakeasy,” Hack got so excited that he sat down and wrote this scary book about what he imagined would take place complete with chills, thrills and a murder mystery that a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer solves and is rewarded with an anal sex session with the sexiest female guest. What actually would up happening was that Hack got drunk beforehand, showed up at the wrong address and was brutally beaten by some drug dealers whose score he had walked in on.