The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this during a hospital stay when one of his testicles shattered after he was kicked in the crotch during a bar fight. He’s convinced that it’s a true story but he was so doped up that he doesn’t realize that he was just humping an inflatable love doll someone got him as a joke gift, and no one had the heart to tell him.
Considering that he had a shattered testicle at the time, it’s still a pretty impressive accomplishment.
A pilot crashes his plan on a small island populated entirely by sex-starved gorgeous women during WWII and takes turns having sex with each of them until Nazis show up looking for him. The women then buy the pilot time to escape by having sex with the Nazis. That’s pretty much the whole story. The rest is just 178 pages of sex scenes. It sold well in the Bible Belt.
Hack didn’t mess with success with the third novel in his Foreign Legion trilogy and once again just took the original manuscript and swapped out the many sex scenes with new perversions. As far as his publisher John Kane was concerned, he could have continued with the formula forever but Hack felt that he had said everything he had to say about sexual deviance on the sands of the Sahara Desert and moved on to write about sexual deviance in other locales.
Public response to “Macho Men of the Foreign Legion” was so great that Hack’s publisher John Kane insisted that he start on a sequel right away. Hack simply took the manuscript of the first book and changed the anal sex scenes to oral sex scenes. No one seemed to notice and the second book sold almost as well as the first.
Hack wrote this French Foreign Legion story the morning his air conditioning conked out. Critics objected to the many anal sex scenes in the middle of the Sahara Desert but Hack’s loyal readers had no problem with them.
Hack based the second story in this two-parter on his cover artist Jonny M.’ friend, the renowned opera singer Jesse Merlin. When Hack badgered Jonny to introduce him, Hack said afterwards that “I was so overcome by Merlin’s masculine charm that it was the one time I would have willingly gone gay with another man.” Hack had, of course, unwillingly gone gay on countless occasions.
The first movie Hack saw in a theater was “Adventure,” superstar Clark Gable’s comeback after World War II that was advertised with the famous slogan “Gable’s Back and Garson’s Got Him.” The Garson referred to was British actress Greer Garson, who made her American film debut in “Goodbye, Mr. Chips” and won her the first of four consecutive Academy Award nominations, culminating in the Oscar in 1942 for her most famous role as the stiff upper-lip British housewife overcoming the hardships of war in “Mrs. Miniver.” Ms. Garson was lauded as The Perfect Lady during her years at MGM and Hack admitted to sordid sexual fantasies which (in his words) “tore her off her goddamned perch.” This book is little more than an account of those fantasies, loosely strung together by an implausible plot in which Hitler will be killed if Mrs. Miniver has sex with every man in London. Although declared “unreadable” by The Tolucan Times, Hack considers it to be his masterpiece.
Hack claimed that the novella “Operation: Macho Men” was a true account of his service with the Special Ops division of the armed forces during the Vietnam War. In truth, Hack was rejected for the service because of bone spurs in his feet and acute alcoholism and this book is actually a poorly written update of the John Wayne movie “The Sands of Iwo Jima” with (as always) some scenes of anal sex thrown in.
A gorgeous female biker and her boyfriend terrorize a neighborhood market until a tough cop tells them to move along, so they do. The actual story is only 15 pages so Hack uses the rest to timeline the countless occasions when his abusive father would batter him.
Hack is a close follower of pinko political pundit Lisa Glass’ Twitter feed and wrote this novel in an attempt to suck up to her. It resulted (as such moves always do for Hack) with her issuing a restraining order against him.