The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack wrote this book after lunching with his cover artist Jonny M. and Jonny insisting that everyone in the restaurant (male and female) found him sexually irresistible after taking a single glance at him. Hack was furious when it turned out to be true.
This book was the result of Hack getting hammered and watching a bunch of Dudley Doo-Right cartoons with his cover artist Jonny M and his pug Boris. There’s a very disturbing sex scene between Boris and a Canadian moose who describes himself as a “power bottom.”
Hack wrote this while staying in a Motel-6 on a book-signing tour and becoming obsessed with one of the cleaning ladies, only to have her steal his van while he was trying to seduce her. Hack was philosophical about the rejection and still corresponds with the woman during her prison term.
Hack wrote this during a hospital stay when one of his testicles shattered after he was kicked in the crotch during a bar fight. He’s convinced that it’s a true story but he was so doped up that he doesn’t realize that he was just humping an inflatable love doll someone got him as a joke gift, and no one had the heart to tell him.
Considering that he had a shattered testicle at the time, it’s still a pretty impressive accomplishment.
A pilot crashes his plan on a small island populated entirely by sex-starved gorgeous women during WWII and takes turns having sex with each of them until Nazis show up looking for him. The women then buy the pilot time to escape by having sex with the Nazis. That’s pretty much the whole story. The rest is just 178 pages of sex scenes. It sold well in the Bible Belt.
Hack didn’t mess with success with the third novel in his Foreign Legion trilogy and once again just took the original manuscript and swapped out the many sex scenes with new perversions. As far as his publisher John Kane was concerned, he could have continued with the formula forever but Hack felt that he had said everything he had to say about sexual deviance on the sands of the Sahara Desert and moved on to write about sexual deviance in other locales.
Public response to “Macho Men of the Foreign Legion” was so great that Hack’s publisher John Kane insisted that he start on a sequel right away. Hack simply took the manuscript of the first book and changed the anal sex scenes to oral sex scenes. No one seemed to notice and the second book sold almost as well as the first.
Hack wrote this French Foreign Legion story the morning his air conditioning conked out. Critics objected to the many anal sex scenes in the middle of the Sahara Desert but Hack’s loyal readers had no problem with them.
Hack based the second story in this two-parter on his cover artist Jonny M.’ friend, the renowned opera singer Jesse Merlin. When Hack badgered Jonny to introduce him, Hack said afterwards that “I was so overcome by Merlin’s masculine charm that it was the one time I would have willingly gone gay with another man.” Hack had, of course, unwillingly gone gay on countless occasions.
The first movie Hack saw in a theater was “Adventure,” superstar Clark Gable’s comeback after World War II that was advertised with the famous slogan “Gable’s Back and Garson’s Got Him.” The Garson referred to was British actress Greer Garson, who made her American film debut in “Goodbye, Mr. Chips” and won her the first of four consecutive Academy Award nominations, culminating in the Oscar in 1942 for her most famous role as the stiff upper-lip British housewife overcoming the hardships of war in “Mrs. Miniver.” Ms. Garson was lauded as The Perfect Lady during her years at MGM and Hack admitted to sordid sexual fantasies which (in his words) “tore her off her goddamned perch.” This book is little more than an account of those fantasies, loosely strung together by an implausible plot in which Hitler will be killed if Mrs. Miniver has sex with every man in London. Although declared “unreadable” by The Tolucan Times, Hack considers it to be his masterpiece.