Nudity Required
Category: Movies and Television
Miracle on Sex Beach
The Trench Coat Murders
Hack had been working on this book for decades and it’s unquestionably his masterpiece. Unfortunately both the Humphrey Bogart and Dashiell Hammett estates hit him with cease and desist orders as soon as it hit book stores, but it will make a great collectors item if you can get your hands on one of the few copies that hasn’t been burned by court order.
The Casting Couch
The Pervs of Skid Row
This was a “memory piece” from Hack’s teenage years when he and a girlfriend would taunt the bums in New York’s Bowery district by shamelessly making out in front of them. The bums finally had enough and surrounded the pair, let the girl go but made Hack stay and French kiss every one of them until he’d learned his lesson. They were surprised when he showed up for the next three weeks in a row for more lessons.
Fan Art
Hack’s dream was to start a writing movement and be inundated with loving fan art from his devoted followers, so he wrote this book to nudge them in that direction. He only received one drawing: a crude cartoon where his tiny penis was depicted as a hole punched in the piece of paper which infuriated him until it was purchased by a high-end art gallery for two thousand dollars.
The Tramps of Fawlty Towers
A prostitution ring runs in secret out of a small, family-owned hotel in Torquay, Devon, England. The British Broadcasting Company sued publisher John Kane over an alleged likeness to one of their sitcoms with a similar setting and characters, which Kane responded to by telling the “Limey bastards” to “try and cross over the pond and find me” and immediately stashed all of his assets in a Cayman Islands account. The court case is still pending.
Murder at the Drive-In
Hack wrote this after having a dream where a character comes out of a movie screen at a drive-in and guns him down. It’s scientifically a lot more plausible than many of Hack’s book and not a bad read at that.
The Case of the Dead Parrot
Hack is a huge fan of the great John Cleese so he crapped out this novel to determine what actually happened to the Norwegian Blue. It turned out to be a suicide.
This was the second time that Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. posted his artwork on Instagram and the celebrity subject “liked” it. The first was the great Susanna Hoffs of The Bangles opining on Hack’s horror novel “Walk Like an Egyptian.” This time, it was when the great Mr. Cleese clicked his approval of “The Case of the Dead Parrot.” Hack wants both of those acknowledgements carved on his headstone.
The Pugfather
Hack had long wanted to write a rip-off of Mario Puzo’s “The Godfather” but could never think of a character as terrifying as Vito Corleone until he encountered his cover artist’s Jonny M.’ pug Boris. He had this novel completed two hours after first meeting the pug.