The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
I wasn’t able to watch the debate last night but when I got home, I streamed Jon Stewart’s breakdown of it in absolute horror, and then I went to bed and had – I shit you not -one of the most horrific and realistic nightmares that I have ever experienced. When I awoke in a cold sweat this morning, I found Hack sleeping on my front porch in a pool of his own vomit and related my dream to him. Twenty minutes later, he had cranked out this manuscript. It made me feel a little better.
When Hack’s cover artist Jonny M.’s Bro Joe posted an amusing story on his Facebook wall about how an obnoxious beatnik dragged a gigantic speaker into a Starbucks he was at to blast his personal music through its loudspeakers to the annoyance of everyone around him. But Joe lost Hack’s sympathy when he wrote of the man “He is also wearing a beret, so I knew something very bad was coming” since the beret is famously Jonny’s headwear of choice and Hack doesn’t like anyone besides himself to publicly mock his collaborator. So Hack crapped out this angry response to Bro Joe’s missive depicting him as a MAGA-loving redneck. It’s actually a pretty accurate depiction.
Hack’s alcohol addled brain stopped storing cultural references in the late-1970s, which explains this novelization of the 1974 cult TV series Kolchak: The Night Stalker starring Darren McGavin which Hack claims came to him in a dream when he drank himself unconscious in a bar that was showing MSNBC’s coverage of the Trump trial on TV.
When Hack first saw the ridiculous golden sneakers that Donald Trump was selling for $399 a pop, he became so violently ill that he awoke days later in a pool of his own vomit. As he trudged to the bathroom to hose himself off, he regarded the puke caked to his feet and concluded that it looked much better that Trump’s stupid, overpriced shoes.
Happy heavenly birthday to the great Burt Lancaster!
Honestly, Hack just wanted to write a book titled “Murder at the Nudist Colony” and when he found out Lancaster’s birthday coincided with its release date, he just had the cover artist redo the cover with the actor in his Elmer Gantry role as the victim. The story is more about Jonny the detective running around the nudie colony seducing the women who stay there.
