Category: Red Menace

The Hair of My Chinny-Chin-Chin

Happy Decembeard! It’s an annual campaign where people grow beards (or fake beards) during December to raise money and awareness for bowel cancer, a serious but treatable disease, especially when caught early. Participants start clean-shaven on November 30th, grow their facial hair all December, and use it as a conversation starter to educate others about symptoms like changes in bowel habits and blood in stool.
Since those are Hack’s favorite topics of conversation throughout the year, it’s not a big deal to him, but we thought you’d like to know.

Hypno-Boobs

Hack went to dinner with a platonic female friend who made the mistake of wearing a low-cut tank top, and Hack realized that he had been unknowingly staring at her cleavage while they talked. He couldn’t pin down how long his eyes were glued to her chest, but he figured it was somewhere between fifteen seconds and forty-five minutes, so he immediately went home and wrote this novel about how all men lose their rational mind at the glimpse of even the outline of a female mammary gland.

I’ll say this for the book; it’s medically accurate.

Dead Ringer

Everyone who’s been to a movie theater knows that Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and came in third because they always project it as trivia on the screen to keep the audience from killing each other from boredom before the coming attractions start. Hack had one of his frequent mental breakdowns after being confronted by the tidbit yet again before a showing of Madame Web so for therapy, he wrote a novel around the story replacing Chaplin with Jonny M. and revolving it around a Russian plot to kill him and throw his hideously misshapen genitalia into a blender as a final ingredient to their formula for super atomic rocket fuel.

It made Hack feel much better.