The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. was excited about a flamboyant new pair of glasses that he got, so Hack wrote this to mock him. When Jonny’s sexual activity rose 400% after the publication of the book, Hack had to be sedated and briefly institutionalized.
Oh, and Happy birthday to Carrie-Anne Moss!
Hack went to dinner with a platonic female friend who made the mistake of wearing a low-cut tank top, and Hack realized that he had been unknowingly staring at her cleavage while they talked. He couldn’t pin down how long his eyes were glued to her chest, but he figured it was somewhere between fifteen seconds and forty-five minutes, so he immediately went home and wrote this novel about how all men lose their rational mind at the glimpse of even the outline of a female mammary gland.
I’ll say this for the book; it’s medically accurate.
Happy heavenly birthday to Sir Christopher Lee!
Happy heavenly birthday to the great Don Adams!
Happy Day of Silence!
Happy heavenly birthday to the great Patrick McGoohan!
Happy Kiss Day!
Hack was dining with some acquaintances (he doesn’t really have friends) and he commented that the Zager & Evans’ 1969 apocalyptic folk song In the Year 2525 could just as easily apply to the shit show we’re entering into in 2025. He was then shocked to be told that neither of his companions had heard of the song so he assumed that he hallucinated it during one of drunken binges and wrote this rip-off novel as if it was his creation, even including a CD of him croaking the song and including it with the book.
Zager & Evans inevitably sued Hack for plagiarism as soon as the novel hit bookstores and he now faces 2025 on the verge of declaring bankruptcy for the sixth time. Happy new year!
Everyone who’s been to a movie theater knows that Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and came in third because they always project it as trivia on the screen to keep the audience from killing each other from boredom before the coming attractions start. Hack had one of his frequent mental breakdowns after being confronted by the tidbit yet again before a showing of Madame Web so for therapy, he wrote a novel around the story replacing Chaplin with Jonny M. and revolving it around a Russian plot to kill him and throw his hideously misshapen genitalia into a blender as a final ingredient to their formula for super atomic rocket fuel.
It made Hack feel much better.
