The story of the downfall of a young gay prostitute. Hack claims that it is total fiction but refuses to explain why he has the main character’s name tattooed on his taint.
Rent Boy
Month: January 2020
The Frugal Fashionista
One of Hack’s friend Rosanna De Candia’s seventeen Instagram profiles is “The Frugal Fashionista” in which she illustrates her ability to dress like a million bucks on a five dollar budget. This novel was yet another failed effort on Hack’s part to try and get into Ms. De Candia’s fashionable pants, which netted him nothing but a major league ass-kicking from her the first time she saw him after reading it.
Rock Stars
This was inspired by an evening when Hack’s cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris went to a karaoke bar and the women in the audience stormed the stage and sexually ravaged them after they performed a duet of the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson hit “The Dog-Gone Girl is Mine.”
Operation Ruth
Everyone told Hack that the Nazis came into power in 1933 and the Titanic sunk in 1912, but he was so obsessed with “Titanic” star Frances Fisher that he didn’t listen and wrote the book in a few hours. It’s a spirited read.
The Influencer
Hack wrote this book to suck up to actress Mara Marini, who he became obsessed with after seeing her play porn star Brandi Maxx in the NBS sitcom “Park & Recreation.” Ms. Marini placed a restraining order on him and got a court order to have all copies burned. The few remaining editions now sell on eBay for about $500.
Harlot Hotel
Hack based this story on his third marriage which he intended to stage as a sham wedding to get a woman he was obsessed with to have sex with him. She turned the tables on him and replaced the defrocked minister he hired to perform the ceremony with a real justice of the peace, so their marriage was legal and lasted for six months until she filed for divorce on the grounds on mental cruelty. It was the longest-lasting of Hack’s six marriages.
Sin for Sale
This novel was inspired by an unpleasant incident in Hack’s past when he tried to pass himself off as an evangelical minister. He was ultimately run out town on a rail and some of the tar and feathers that they covered him in remains embedded in his anus to this very day.
The Fast Crowd
A group of poor virgins are deflowered by some rich boys in fast cars. It ends in a drag race between the only girl not to die of syphilis in her father’s jalopy and the leader of the boys in his 1962 Covair. Just as the boy is about to cross the finish line, his car crashes in a fire ball and he is castrated by its stick shift.
Honeymoon Hit Man
This novel was inspired by Hack’s honeymoon for his disastrous first marriage in 1958. Hack took his new bride to Niagara Falls but they were followed by a small-time hood that Hack owed money to who was furious that Hack spent his last few dollars on his honeymoon instead of paying him back. The hood attempted to shoot Hack but he hit his new bride instead before being gunned down by local law enforcement. The girl went into a coma and Hack had the marriage annulled before putting her in a bargain-basement hospital where she remains in a comatose state to this day. The book sold well and served loosely as the basis for the 1966 Tony Curtis comedy “Not with my Wife, You Don’t.”
The Pug with a Past
Hack has always been suspicious of his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris and has spent thousands of dollars on private investigators to find out about the little dog’s history. The P.I.’s took his money but (as you’d expect with a dog) discovered nothing, so he tried to recover his losses with this book which invented a fanciful and scandalous past for the pug. Not for the last time, Boris sued Hack for libel and received a hefty settlement.