The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
This is one of several novelizations Hack wrote for the popular “Professor Morlock” horror movie series. It was based on the time Hack got pissed off at a bunch of people he hung around with so he developed a serum to turn them into zombies in his kitchen sink. He tried it on a couple of them while they slept and while it didn’t get the desired effect of turning them into zombies, it did wind up killing them so the problem was taken care of.
When his cover artist Jonny M. and his pug Boris saved a beautiful woman from being hit by a car, Hack was furious that she rewarded the pair (Boris with a case of Milk Bone dog biscuits, Jonny with a weekend of intense sex) instead of recognizing them as the idiots he knows them to be. Hack wrote this novel to educate the world about the truth as he sees it regarding the two.
Hack’s political commentaries are surprisingly insightful. He wrote this novelization of Trump’s failed summit with North Korean dictator Korean dictator Kim Jong Un and its pretty accurate, down to a grotesquely graphic golden shower scene that even prompted pro-Trump rednecks to buy it.
Hack’s view of what happens to Trump six months after he leaves office. It won Hack his first Pulitzer Prize for fiction.
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe (the basis for the Junior Ranger books) skinned his knee on a hike and acted like it was a life-threatening injury, Hack used it as the basis for this novel. To this day whenever the book is mentioned, he snaps “I was this close to contracting gangrene!” (Editor’s note: he was not anywhere close to it.)
A female undercover cop undercover cop poses as a reefer addict to infiltrate a reefer mob but becomes addicted to reefer in the process.
This is a highly romanticized version of he time Hack made a list of his enemies with the plan of getting revenge on all of them in one day. In the book, the main character (a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction) guns them down one by one. In real like, Hack collected bags of his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris’ poop with the idea of placing them on his enemy’s porches and lighting them on fire. But while he was driving to his first target’s house, the bags caught fire in the back of his van, rendering it uninhabitable for three months. In the time that it was airing out, Hack was forced to sleep on a park bench where random dogs would frequently poop on him.
This was one of Hack’s many attempts to impress “Titanic” star Frances Fisher. As soon as it hit the shelves, his publisher John Kane was inundated with cease-and-desist orders and had to pull all copies from circulation. Undaunted, Hack got Ms. Fisher’s address from a “map of the star’s homes” and had a copy delivered to her. Regrettably, the map was woefully inaccurate and it wound up at the house of a plumber is Los Feliz, but he reported enjoyed the book thoroughly.
Hack had an intense crush on MSNBC news commentator Rachel Maddow and wrote the novel about her. In real life, Ms. Maddow is a happily married lesbian but Hack depicted her in the book as a heterosexual nymphomaniac who made a sex slave of a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction and was obsessed with anal sex. But for those details, it was pretty true to life.