The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
When his cover artist Jonny M.friend and Hack’s celebrity crush Frances Fisher began appearing on the covers of Hack’s books, she was initially amused by it. She even sent Jonny an image she found on the Internet and dared Jonny to make a cover from it. Jonny took her up on the challenge and when Hack saw the cover, he had the complete novel written less than an hour later.
Immediately after completing his run as Shakespeare’s Richard III, his cover artist Jonny M. appeared in a new play written by his friend Steve B. Green called “Timeshare.” Once again, Hack was so impressed that he decided to write a sequel in novel form but instead of doing it with a classic in public domain like “Richard III,” he did it with Green’s original play without obtaining the rights. When Jonny saw the manuscript, he had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital where he was contractually obligated to make the cover art for the book. Fortunately, it all ended well as Green loved what Hack did with his characters and the two collaborated on an opera based on Green’s play “Three Really Offensive Scenes about the Founding Fathers.”
Hack’s first book for the Pro99 campaign was such a success that he decided to include more actresses that he was infatuated with on the cover in an attempt to win their favor. For this book, he set his sites on famed Twitter pundit Lisa Glass (who he had already depicted on the cover of an earlier novel “Too Fat to Carry”). As was always the case when Hack used his literary output to hit on women out of his league, Ms. Glass found Hack to be a retched and unsettling character and asked him to leave her “the hell alone.” As usual, Hack refused to take no for an answer and featured her on more book covers than almost any other model.
When Hack wrote this thriller about a shrill-but-gorgeous Jewess based on his friend Donna who was sexually obsessed with a Hack Werker-like writer of pulp fiction, Donna’s reaction was to scream something at him in Yiddish and hit him over the head with a frying pan.
Hack based this novel on his friend Eddie Frierson, who hails from Tennessee. For years, Frierson pretended to be illiterate to avoid having to read any of Hack’s books. The rouse was almost discovered when Hack learned that Frierson was actually a graduate of UCLA but when he found out that it was on a sports scholarship, Frierson’s inability to read seemed more plausible than ever.
There was a small theater across the street from the Shakey’s where Hack works as a janitor and he wrote this to try and impress an actress there who he had a crush on. Rather than having the desired effect, her boyfriend dropped in on the van Hack that lives in in the parking lot of the pizzeria and tied his face into a knot.
Hack can’t get anywhere near the water without violently puking his guts out and this romance on the high seas is based on the time he took his second wife in the paddle boats on Tiny Lake Balboa in the San Fernando Valley area of Los Angeles and had to be air-lifted to a nearby hospital. The paramedics immediately discovered that he gets airsick too so all in all, it was a pretty messy day.
A beautiful heiress stages her own death to murder her lover, but that turns out to be a staged death too. When they are closed in on by the police, they fulfill a murder-suicide pact which turns out to be staged. The Tolucan Times called it “very confusing.”
Hack’s second wife claims that she wrote this novel about a manipulative sex-obsessed ne’er-do-well based on Hack and that he stole it and changed the gender of the main characters. The charge bears out when reading the final climatic scene between the hero and the “Devil Woman” in which he drives her out of the house by repeatedly mocking her tiny penis.