The website of the greatest pulp fiction writer who ever lived
Hack’s book “Attack of the Monday” sold so well that he wrote this sequel to try and capitalize on it. Unfortunately, as with no many of his books, he went off on a tangent so that the last two-thirds are a rant about how socialism is actually communism. Fortunately, there were still enough graphic sex scenes that his hardcore fans didn’t seem to mind.
Hack was adamantly against having to write this biography of his cover artist Jonny M. but he had signed an iron-clad contract so there was nothing he could do about it. This is one of the very few books that he actually did research for in the hopes of finding dirt on Jonny that would destroy him in the public eye but he only uncovered story after story that revealed him to be a selfless hero, and absolute catnip to the ladies. Hack was nothing short of furious at the book’s worldwide success and when he won the Pulitzer Prize for Biography for it, he used the medallion as a beer coaster.
Hack wrote this book after attending the lounge act of Pat Collins, “the hip hypnotist.” Hack was impressed when Ms. Collins hypnotized him into thinking he was a chicken; to the point that after the show he had an unusually large bowel movement and sat on it for several days, expecting it to hatch.
Hack was devastated at the news of the death of Marilyn Monroe and refused to believe it, insisting that she had chose to leave the high stress world of movie stardom to follow her true calling as a sex slave in a sheik’s harem. This book got enough people to believe the ridiculous theory that he occasionally appears on crackpot radio shows asserting that she is alive and well and still servicing the amir’s son in her mid-90’s, “and doing a damned fine job of it.”
When Nancy Kulp of The Beverly Hillybillies ran as a Democrat for Pennsylvania’s Ninth Congressional District in 1984, she asked costar Buddy Ebsen to support her. But Ebsen, an ultra-conservative Republican, deemed Kulp “too liberal” and went so far as to record a radio commercial for her Republican opponent. The ploy cost Kulp the election and she didn’t speak to Ebsen for several years, although she ultimately made peace with him. Hack, however, considered it a dick move for one friend to pull on another and he never forgave Ebsen, writing this novel to smear his once-beloved reputation.
Hack kept hearing from his friends who work 9-5 jobs how much they hate Mondays, which didn’t register to him because to Hack, “every day was a waking nightmare.” So he thought that Mondays were some kind of bizarre monster and he based this sci-fi book on the idea. It sold well enough that he wrote two sequels, so I guess it wasn’t that nuts after all.
Hack was having a drink with his cover artist Jonny M. and one of the gorgeous women Jonny inevitably has with him when a drunk started harassing the young lady. Jonny responded with his fists and when three friends of the drunk tried to come to his defense, they were all taken out on stretchers. As much as Hack despises Jonny, he was impressed by the display and wrote this novel about it.
A crew of “left-wing pinkos” bring down the fascists of the Trump administration who want to deny women access o abortion with non-violent means. Considering that Hack’s core readership are from deep red states who love violence, this book sold pretty well. (All the graphic sex scenes helped.)
A hotshot pilot and his dog navigator are shot down in a village populated by gorgeous women where pro-Trump fascists have taken over and they must rescue them. Since this is a Hack Werker novel, the women thank them with an anal orgy. It becomes pretty implausible by then but up until that point, it’s kind of exciting.
The most famous female balloonist in the word helps a dashing soldier of fortune save America by shooting down Donald Trump’s private air force. When they are successful, they celebrate with anal sex in the sky. (Hey, don’t blame me. I’m just recounting the story for you. If you don’t like it, go to Disney.com.)