This was the finale in the “Man Who Farted” series, in which French Stewart travels to a far-off land to be treated for his malady. It ends happily when he is put on a high fiber diet.
The Journey of the Man Who Farted
Category: Dangerous Dudes
The Attack of the Man Who Farted
The third in the “Man Who Farted” series was inspired an experience Hack had on a packed escalator where a dude whose cornhole was positioned immediately in front of Hack’s face cut a massive whopper at point blank range.
Hack wrote the book while in the intensive care unit.
The Return of the Man Who Farted
“The Man Who Farted” was such a huge success that Hack wrote this sequel in which a group of people are forced to take a long car ride during a blizzard while the title character keeps cutting massive farts. The plot sounds thin but this is one of Hack’s longest books at 1,217 pages.
The Man Who Farted
Hack is an obsessive fan of “Third Rock from the Sun” star French Stewart, and claims one of the highlights of his life was briefly sharing an elevator with the actor. The only thing that marred the experience, Hack insisted, was when Stewart “let a massive one rip between the third and fourth floors,” so he went home and wrote this novel about it. His cover artist Jonny M. was also in the elevator and claims that it was actually Hack who cut one, a statement which put additional pressure on their already tense relationship.
The Bottomless Popcorn Bucket
A nostalgic reminiscence from Hack’s teenage years when he would take girls to the movies, buy a bucket of popcorn and punch out the bottom, and then wait for them to inevitably dig for a handful of his Johnson. He ultimately spent so much money on popcorn without result that he fantasized that someone would just play the trick on him. It never happened.
Larry David: Assassin for Hire
When Hack’s unrequited love for his friend Rosanna De Candia was at its most intense, she admitted to him that she had a crush on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star Larry David. Consumed with jealousy, Hack wrote this bitter story which ends with David and Rosie suffered a painful death at the hands of a pack of savage, rabid wombats. Hack admitted that he felt much better after writing it.
Savage Bikers From Hell
Hack became obsessed with motorcycle gangs after he bought a used Vespa scooter in 1967 and fancied himself quite the hellraiser. He and some other “biker” friends watched Marlon Brando in “The Wild Ones,” got excited and tried taking over a small town. They spent the weekend in jail until one of his friend’s mother bailed them out. The Vespa was stolen a few weeks later by a gang of roving bicycle thieves.
Transport of the Sex Slaves
Gorgeous prostitutes start vanishing from the city, interesting no one but the hero (who Hack had such little interest in as a character that he didn’t even give him a name) and his faithful dog. It turns out the prostitutes are being kept in a barge that will transport them to the private island of the evil warlord Vlad Werkowski (Hack’s father’s real name) where they will live out their lives as sex slaves. The prostitutes bide their time in the ship’s hull having lesbian sex until the tide turns so that they can begin their journey but just as it does, the hero and his dog creep onboard to beat the living daylights out of the crew and release the girls. The prostitutes thank him with a massive orgy.
It’s not as good as it sounds.
The Lustful Resistance
A pilot crashes his plan on a small island populated entirely by sex-starved gorgeous women during WWII and takes turns having sex with each of them until Nazis show up looking for him. The women then buy the pilot time to escape by having sex with the Nazis. That’s pretty much the whole story. The rest is just 178 pages of sex scenes. It sold well in the Bible Belt.
The Contiguous Man
Hack used to have brunch with a group of pathetic degenerates, one of whom fancied himself as having a remarkable way with words. One day while the yahoo was holding court, he used the word “contiguous” in conversation, which Hack admitted that he didn’t know the meaning of. When the dolt offered a condescending definition, Hack went home to look up the word and discovered to his delight that the idiot was completely wrong about what it meant. Hack was so thrilled about catching his nemesis in the mistake that he spent that night writing this murder mystery to immortalize it, a copy of which he slipped in the idiot’s coffin when he died of a brain hemorrhage three years later.