Category: Junior Ranger

The Autobiography of Hack Werker

Hack had been approached to write his autobiography for decades but when he finally got around to it, his brain was so fried from alcohol and drug use that he could barely remember anything about his own life. The first fifty pages are an accurate depiction of his abusive relationship with his father but the rest of the book is accounts of sexual fantasies he’s had of women throughout his life; from major movie stars to supermarket cashiers he glanced at in passing. It became one of his all-time best sellers.

Junior Ranger and the Idiots of Shaver Lake

When his cover artist Jonny M.’s brother Joe (the basis for the Junior Ranger books) skinned his knee on a hike and acted like it was a life-threatening injury, Hack used it as the basis for this novel. To this day whenever the book is mentioned, he snaps “I was this close to contracting gangrene!” (Editor’s note: he was not anywhere close to it.)

Junior Ranger and the Gorillas of Griffith Park

After the failure of “Junior Ranger and the Heart of Darkness,” the popularity of the Junior Ranger books seemed to be waning. In a bold move, publisher John Kane made a deal with cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston to appear as a character in an attempt to give the series a shot in the arm.Hack was bitter about the move because he hated Winston but his contract with Kane gave him no choice, so he wrote the book as ordered. It restored the Junior Ranger books’s readership as hoped, but Hack was livid when he learned that Winston’s contract mandated that the pug make far more money from the publication than Hack did.

Junior Ranger and the Heart of Darkness

This is the book that nearly sank the series when Ranger Joe became so obsessed with following the rules in the manual that readers found him to be a spineless pussy and sales tanked. Hack learned hid lesson and future installments found Joe not only to be more quick-thinking and improvisational, but open to sexual experiments of all kinds with women, men and especially the animals of the parks he protected.

Junior Ranger and the Rebel Women

Hack started pushing the envelope in the Junior Ranger saga with this entry, which contained almost none of the outdoorsy adventure found in the early books and focused on hardcore graphic sex. Publisher John Kane was worried that it would alienate the readership so he insisted that Hack add a subplot about a butterfly collector lost in the park. Hack obliged, but had the Lepidopterologist kidnapped by a gang of roving hippie chicks and savagely raped.