Hack grudgingly allowed his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris to sit in on a poker game he was hosting and Boris cleaned him out for over $10,000. Hack wrote this book as a means of squaring the debt.
The Card Shark
Category: Pug Lovers
Harem Girls of Van Nuys
When his cover artist Jonny M. decided to fuck with Hack by telling him that there was a white slaver ringer that worked out of his home town of Van Nuys, California and they sold young women into the underground sex market. Hack immediately took this outlandish tale as gospel and cranked out this “all true story” without so much as checking any other source. Only after the book came out did he actually try to procure a sex slave from the mob but when he approached the dicey character he thought was in charge, he wound up being talked into buying a timeshare in Boca Raton.
Pug Rescuer
When Hack heard that his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris came from a Korean pug rescue, he invented this fanciful story where the rescue was an underground spy organization that sneaked the dogs out of the country because a powerful mob was selling them to a pharmaceutical giant for experimentation.
When that turned out to be exactly what happened, Boris tried to have Hack killed.
Like a Dog in Heat
This was based on a strange story his cover artist Jonny M. told Hack about a beautiful woman who couldn’t decide between Jonny and his pug Boris. She ultimately picked Boris but Boris rejected her because after all, he’s a freaking dog.
The Perfect Saturday
Hack tried taking LSD only once in his life and this book is a chronicle of everything he saw when he was high on it. After the novel came out, Hack’s pusher admitted that the LSD was just a Tic Tac that he sold to him for ten dollars, adding “that guy is so crazy that I’ve seen him be trippin’ after watching an episode of ‘Breaking Bad.'”
Reservoir Pugs
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Boris beat the living hell out of Hack for being disrespectful to his master, Hack sat down and wrote this novelization of the Quentin Tarantino film “Reservoir Dogs” with a Boris-like pug as Harvey Keitel’s character Mr. Blonde. Tarantino was going to sue but he reportedly found the whole thing so goddamned hilarious that he let it go in exchange for Hack playing the role of a Hack Werker-like pulp fiction writer in his film “Pulp Fiction,” which ultimately wound up on the cutting room floor.
Boris Taking Charge
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s beloved pug Winston died and Jonny got another pug named Boris, Hack was delighted because he secretly hated Winston. To get Boris on his side from the start, Hack wrote this patronizing saga depicting the young pug as a super power who always fought for the side of right. The book turned out to be prescient because Boris saw through Hack’s bullshit immediately. Hack, in turn, grew to hate Boris even more than he hated Winston.
Junior Ranger and the Gorillas of Griffith Park
After the failure of “Junior Ranger and the Heart of Darkness,” the popularity of the Junior Ranger books seemed to be waning. In a bold move, publisher John Kane made a deal with cover artist Jonny M.’s pug Winston to appear as a character in an attempt to give the series a shot in the arm.Hack was bitter about the move because he hated Winston but his contract with Kane gave him no choice, so he wrote the book as ordered. It restored the Junior Ranger books’s readership as hoped, but Hack was livid when he learned that Winston’s contract mandated that the pug make far more money from the publication than Hack did.
Temptation
Hack was still trying to suck up to the disciples of his cover artist Jonny M.’s late pug Winston with this volume, which had Winston coming back from doggie heaven to make his master sexually irresistible to the ladies. The Winstonites, who castrated themselves to be more like their neutered leader, were unimpressed but Jonny M. himself thought it ranked among Hack’s best books.
Angel Out of Hell
When his cover artist Jonny M.’s beloved pug Boris died (although many conspiracy theorists maintain that he staged his death and is now living in the Cayman Islands), Hack was originally overjoyed because he hated Winston and Winston hated him. But when he realized that Winston had a giant following of disciples who lived by his loving and gentle philosophy, Hack quickly cranked out this book in tribute to the pug in the hopes of making himself look good. In every interview since, wherever Winston’s name come up Hack sheds some crocodile tears by plucking a hair out of his nose and says that the pug who he called a menace to society when he was alive as “the best friend I ever had.”