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A gorgeous woman has four men vying for her affection and she determines that she will marry the one who is the most skilled at anal sex. College English professors often use this novel as an ideal representation of Hack’s early writing style.
Hack loosely based this novel on his affair with singer Keely Smith, who dated him briefly after her divorce from Louis Prima. Hack always referred to her as “the one that got away” whereas Ms. Smith would later call Hack “that perverted bastard.”
This is a unique title in Hack’s collected works because it’s a wholesome kid’s book in which there is no sex whatsoever. It’s actually a pretty adorable takeoff on “The Arabian Nights” which fell flat on its face because his devoted readership bought Hack Werker novels for scenes of anal sex, not cutesy-poo adventures on a flying carpet. Hack later disowned the book, claiming that he only wrote it to impress a nursery school teacher that he wanted to have anal sex with.
Hack became obsessed with the idea of Amazon warriors watching the old “Wonder Woman” TV show with Lynda Carter. The producers were going to sue Hack for plagiarism (the novel is a blatant rip-off of the show) but they reached a compromise and loosely based the third season two-part episode “Phantom of the Roller Coaster” on the book instead. The TV version is way better than the book.
Hack’s infrequent stabs at the sci-fi genre are surprisingly pretty good. This cover went into more detail than usual because a fan bought the book “Jonny’s Birthday,” the cover of has literally nothing to do with the contents and the guy tried to sue Hack for a billion dollars in damages. They settled on an autographed headshot and one of Hack’s used Kleenex (the guy collected celebrity used Kleenex).
This was written during an unfortunate period when Hack was convinced that women love man-buns. His own hair was too thin at that point to even attempt the look so he glued the carcass of a rat he dug out from behind a pizza oven to simulate it. Chicks turned out not to dig it.
This was written in response to a gang of teenagers at the arcade in the Shakey’s Pizza Parlor where Hack works as a janitor taunting him for being a loser. In the novel, the hero drives low-lifes out of town. In real life, the kids put bottle rockets in the toilets Hack was paid to clean.
Hack binged the sitcom “The Office” one weekend and fell in love with star Jenna Fischer as a result. This was the unfortunate result.
Hack based this novel on the trophy wife of a multi-millionaire he once knew whose spouse mysteriously disappeared the day after Hack was heard bragging to all of his friends that she’d agreed to have sex with him if he murdered her husband. The police declared the case unsolved when she disappeared the day after Hack was heard complaining to all of his friends that she’d reneged on her promise to have sex with him.
In a period when Hack was in dire financial straits, he tried to make money as a gay prostitute. He quickly discovered that he was as sexually repellent to man as to women.